Humor Quotes · Page 267

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

— Noel Fielding

“In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.”

— Hermann Hesse

If I *don't* love something, is it still OK to set it free?

— John Alejandro King

“Supravietuirea nu mai are importanta daca lovitura va avea efect”

— Cristian Niculcea

A lot of comedy is really DIY. You're kind of doing it yourself.

— Samantha Bee

“They talk most who have least to say.”

— Matthew Prior

I am not at all in a humor for writing; I must write on till I am.

— Jane Austen

“No one can know your strength and weakness better than yourself.”

— Rahul Kumar Tilwani

I now have a new reason for living. It is my life's goal to make my girlfriend laugh so hard that she…

— Rock Cowles

Love is the remedy of all problems, misunderstandings become jokes, insults become humor, a perfect relationship.

— Dielnov Muchati

“Remember to remember: sometimes your adversary is your biggest asset. Where would David be without Goliath? Jesus without Judas?”

— Brandi L. Bates

I don't really think of myself as quirky; I have sort of an unusual sense of humor.

— Kyle MacLachlan

“This little thing" making a triangle between the three-"ain't gonna fly”

— Wendy Higgins

“Wilson? He thinks she goes to see her sister in New York. He's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Tragedy is just comedy that hasn’t come to fruition. One day we will laugh at this. We will laugh at everything.”

— Matt Haig

“A totally befuddled voter may look at a Vote for McGovern sign and do just that.”

— Hunter S. Thompson

Henry David Thoreau is very independent-minded, very iconoclastic, and had quite a corrosive sense of humor. I think that I probably have…

— Joyce Carol Oates

“He then bespattered the youth with abundance of that language which passes between country gentleman who embrace opposite sides of the question;…

— Henry Fielding

“Ahh . . . maybe we should be going,” Shane said. “Ditch the shoes, Eve. We’ll be running now.” “I love these…

— Rachel Caine

“Some women do not masturbate for pleasure; they masturbate to make a political statement: to remind us that women do not really…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

My father was an electrical engineer who worked at Westinghouse in Pittsburgh. When I was growing up, my mother wrote humor columns…

— Jason Kilar

Never say, I CAN'T, not even joking because the subconscious mind does not recognize humor. It will take the message seriously, it…

— Wandini

All the people I looked up to - Roseanne, Tim Allen, and Jerry Seinfeld - were stand-up comedians who used humor to…

— Retta

The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a…

— Mike Birbiglia

“It's always funny until someone loses a testicle.”

— Bob N. Boguslavski

“When you understand something it doesn't mean you accept it!”

— ey ramos

I love comedy, but I did always consider myself a dramatic comedian.

— Molly Shannon

“The problem with all politicians is that they are human.”

— Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur

“My type? What, a female between eighteen and sixty?”

— Caspar Vega

You may be witty, but not satirical.

— Horace Greeley

I love comedy and I'll never give it up.

— Suraj Venjaramood

I've done the Hoboken Comedy Festival. It's cool.

— Andrew Schulz

Comedy is an art which is extremely difficult to deliver.

— Johnny Lever

“Hey, if you want something done right, don't ask me.”

— Si Robertson

“I like your opera - I think I will set it to music”

— Ludwig van Beethoven

“S-U-C-I-D-E Do You want to end everything with only six alphabets?”

— Laksh Kishore

“The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off.”

— M. Thomas Gammarino

“Mi locura es sagrada, no la toquen.”

— Salvador Dalí

“Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police.”

— Ava Gardner

The law often permits what honor prohibits.

— Bernard-Joseph Saurin