Humor Quotes · Page 268

You're so old, you remember when it was Preparation-A

— Glenn Huskey

I never sort of thought of myself as a comedy writer, by nature.

— Lena Dunham

“I do twenty jumping jacks a day. Well, half of that. I just clap.”

— Martha Bolton

I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.

— Jerry Coleman

“We all know a fool when we see one - but not when we are one.”

— Arnold H. Glasow

I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.

— Ali Wong

When everything is coming your way, youre probably in the wrong lane.

— Tom Snyder

“You can take a dog outside, but you can't make it pee”

— Micah Amyx

I don't think I'm a funny person in general. I have had to learn comedy.

— Ashton Kutcher

David Ayer is known for being a very serious filmmaker, but he has a very great sense of humor.

— Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

“His name is Tyson? I hate to break it to you, but you dated a brand of chicken.”

— Gena Showalter

There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE.

— Anonymous

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

— Tommy Cooper

“Words to a writer is like notes to a musician, both know when they are off key.”

— June Davidson

I feel that if you can play on the streets or in a comedy club, then in a theatre it's a doddle…

— Simon McBurney

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps…

— Shane Black

“Holy shit!” Moondance swung around, her face now streaked with the ashy remains of the nephilim, her eyes wide at the sight…

— Carol Goodman

“...A person who is headstrong enough to open their eyes and their heart to the full depth and weight of the world…

— Patricia Pearson

Well, I started trying stand-up before I joined Google, actually. And then I went broke because that's what happens when you try…

— Sarah Cooper

“She needed to say something sexy and romantic with a mere hint of her vast intelligence. Something that would entice him into…

— Shelly Laurenston

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man…

— Rita Rudner

I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just…

— Suzanne Collins

“In 1881, being on a visit to Boston, my wife and I found ourselves in the Parker House with the Ingersoll 's,…

— Moncure Daniel Conway

People think that I can just walk into a room and get a job, but of the 200 interviews and auditions I…

— Oona Chaplin

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

— Chris Rock

“if at first you don't wake up try, try again...”

— Jayce O'Neal

It's funny cause, you think you're the shit. You're not. You're shit.

— Anonymous

He who would go viral must first show himself virulent.

— John Alejandro King

Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world.

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion.

— George W. Bush

“Poetry is a disease vector. Like malaria.”

— Katie Douglas

I never defend my material. Comedy is subjective.

— Sarah Silverman

I'm dying for people to let me be funny!

— Elizabeth Marvel

It's impossible to ravish me, I'm so willing.

— John Fletcher

being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.

— Wendy Wasserstein

One parody is worth a thousand polemics.

— Jennifer Stone

“Few Questions has no answer because they silent by closed”

— Sujit Kumar Mishra

Life is tragic comedy, in a way. There is humor.

— Tcheky Karyo

“No don’t hit it. Just press it gently.”

— Loki Laufeyson

“Suffer doesn't kill but makes you stronger.”

— D.O.shedrack