That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim? — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. — Alice Roosevelt Longworth Copy Share Image
You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
A teenager is someone who is well prepared for a zombie attack but not ready for tomorrows math test. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ladies: The sexiest thing you can do for your man is make him bacon naked. — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
“Your cooking reminds me of a Special Olympics race. Reminds me of the time I came in third place. I should have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The people in my audiences are people who never go to comedy clubs. They've grown up with me. They come out to… — Soupy Sales Copy Share Image
I started comedy as a hobby, really, and it still doesn't seem like a proper job. — Sara Pascoe Copy Share Image
The best comedy advice in the beginning of my career was get onstage every night, as many times as possible. It's the… — Taylor Tomlinson Copy Share Image
I consider myself a serious musician. Doing a comedy show does not take away from that in any way. — Kevin Eubanks Copy Share Image
“What's the matter with her? [Jasper] asked Griffin. Griffin shook his head. 'Nothing. She's just two personas struggling for dominance in one… — Kady Cross Copy Share Image
I'm definitely not frowning on improv; I mean, I've been doing it for years. I just think that there's some styles of… — Thomas Middleditch Copy Share Image
In my own field, x-ray crystallography, we used to work out the structure of minerals by various dodges which we never bothered… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor helps ease the tension of race and the differences in society. If there wasn't comedy I don't know if Obama could… — Marlon Wayans Copy Share Image
“A minute later he (Brady) collapsed next to me. "What do you say to the person who gave you the best orgasm… — Michele Bardsley Copy Share Image
“Sure we could replace war with paintball battles. But it would escalate to paint grenades, paint bombs, weapons of mass paint. I… — Dan Florence Copy Share Image
“You know how to check fer thin ice, boy?" he would ask me. "Wall, what you do is stick one foot way… — Patrick Mcmanus Copy Share Image
“Besides increasing energy and enhancing the immune system, laughter diminishes pain, improves focus, reignites hope, restores connections, enhances relationships, relieves tension, relaxes… — Rashid Buttar Copy Share Image
![“What's the matter with her? [Jasper] asked Griffin. Griffin shook his head. 'Nothing. She's just two personas struggling for dominance in one body.' [Jasper] ... Poor little thing.” quote by Kady Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da8/kady-cross-8495_humor_what-s-the-matter-with-her-jasper-asked_2519203.jpg)
