The movies are celluloid hemorrhoids. No, worse: They're celluloid Bon Jovi. — Kyle Smith Copy Share Image
When I first started out, I was considered a crackpot. The doctors used to say, "Don't go to that Jack LaLanne, you'll… — Jack LaLanne Copy Share Image
The other thing that's useful for me is this notion of the absolute versus the relative:if we walk out and it's a… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The one who swallows cactuses with spines should not complain about hemorrhoids. — Etgar Keret Copy Share Image
I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
One poll showed that Americans have a higher opinion of witches, the IRS and hemorrhoids than Congress — Tom Coburn Copy Share Image
You must be Pain in the Nick.” – Dev “Huh?” – Nick “Don’t wet your pets. Just a figure of speech. Your… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hemorrhoids can bleed, typically after a bowel movement, producing blood-streaked stool or toilet paper, .. The blood may turn water in the… — Alfred the Great Copy Share Image
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But… — Robert Schimmel Copy Share Image
Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one. — Francois Ozon Copy Share Image
Question the Chestnuts. Chestnuts: the new name for boobs? No. NO. Why would you even say that? Get your mind out of… — Chuck Wendig Copy Share Image
