If you are funny, people will like you. A lot of advertising is based on this simple rule. The Tory MP Boris… — Peter Hitchens Copy Share Image
Justin's new album is finally out.i'm so proud of him. he worked so hard. :') now I just gotta wait till my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
Women are like telephones; They like to be held and talked to, but if you push the wrong buttons you might get… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If a problem can be solved, there is nothing to worry about. If it can't be solved, well you can always buy… — Pablo Copy Share Image
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I'm going to make a facebook account called No one. Then I'll like random people's status, then it will say No one… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It’s necessary but not sufficient to learn and then work. You must learn from the work and learn while you work. — Judith Rodin Copy Share Image
“You are hereby warned that any movement on your part not explicitly endorsed by verbal authorization on my part may pose a… — Neal Stephenson Copy Share Image
I'm a stoic. When something goes down the pan, enjoy it. Make the best out of a bad job. I'm not the… — Vic Reeves Copy Share Image
I remember seeing McCoy Tyner in concert, and thinking that the music was incredible, but wanting to be invited in. I figured… — John Lurie Copy Share Image
“Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going… — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Pilot's pre-launch brief off the carrier to his passenger in a 2-place jet: If anything goes wrong off the cat, I'll say… — Myself Copy Share Image
“I don’t know what kind of movie would put their locations scout up at a YMCA, but if I had to guess… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
On 'Bake Off' there's lots of stuff no one notices until afterwards. At the time you're too busy concentrating. All the other… — John Whaite Copy Share Image
“Feeling unable to maintain this detachment of attitude towards human- and, in especial, matrimonial- affairs, I asked whether it was not true… — Anthony Powell Copy Share Image
With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
People just want to have a bit of fun, something uplifting, funny, that's got a melody to it. That's what we try… — Michael Dapaah Copy Share Image
It's funny how much the lie of a life after life works with people. Even people who are non-believers seem to think… — Gaspar Noe Copy Share Image
“Oh, well, that's not bad, I suppose. I mean, I'd prefer devastatingly sophisticated - but almost endearing is more than I could… — Jane Costello Copy Share Image
It is so cool to think that there are two female, Indian actresses on prime-time American network television who are considered attractive… — Hannah Simone Copy Share Image
ªTurnoff¬ when a female treat me like a I'm female...i was at da club in this female came up to me in… — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. — Navjot Singh Sidhu Copy Share Image
Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!"… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“So you're here by yourself?" “Yes." “Seems like an odd place to come by yourself." “I needed to get away." “Woman trouble?… — David Gilmour Copy Share Image
My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on. — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I think I was the only person in my experimental film class doing comedy. But my sense of humor and a lot… — Andy Samberg Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you are at a red light and you look over to see the person next to you and… — Mini-Mac Copy Share Image
“So what can I really do? If you can jump through a two-story window, then what can I do?" "You can do… — Courtney Allison Moulton Copy Share Image
“Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak… — Louise Rennison Copy Share Image
I hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Save myself from death is that it?! Is that why I've come here?! I'm not afraid to die! At times I've welcomed… — American McGee Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when your cell phone going full volume at a funeral. Even more awkward if your ringtone is I will… — Faith Barroa Copy Share Image
Religion is here to unite us. It's not here to divide us. If it's dividing us, it's not God's religion, it's something… — Hamza Yusuf Copy Share Image
The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
“How long have you been standing there?" "Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger." "He deserved it.” — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
