Charlie Christian showed me a lot, and was a great help, but even then, I realised that if I was going to… — Barney Kessel Copy Share Image
I asked my mom, 'How old were you when I was born?' My mom replied, '23' Me: 'Wow, that's a lot of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh.… — Michael Patrick King Copy Share Image
I've developed some deep relationships over the past couple of years blogging and I realize that those relationships manifest themselves in the… — Jason Calacanis Copy Share Image
Gahhh! I just made a big mess, now the floors are gonna be sticky... (shutup I spilled my sunny D. ) lol… — Syoung Copy Share Image
“JASON: 'Intended wings.' How depressing. MICHAEL: Yes. Makes them into suicides, really, the pigeons. JASON: No - no, it doesn't. It could… — Simon Gray Copy Share Image
It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my… — Bobby Lee Copy Share Image
“Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
But its not funny. Not to people who've been told they're losers their whole lives and believe they will never be anything… — Julie Anne Peters Copy Share Image
“What are you waiting for?" shanna asked. "He's dying! Do it!" Conner looked at Angus. "Ye do it. It was yer idea."… — Kerrelyn Sparks Copy Share Image
“All superheroes have origin stories, like how Bruce Wayne’s parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
“Sydney did not believe in life after death, but in her experience, admitting this could lead to long and complicated discussions in… — Maureen F. McHugh Copy Share Image
“My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.” — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
“Lou, honey, I'll buy you a new pair of shoes if you'll stop flashing your panties at everyone sitting across the room… — Ronda Thompson Copy Share Image
“I was even starting to relax—a little—until he took me to his parents' house for dinner. I've never met two people more… — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
One of the funny lines that Daniel Bryan said in a promo is that he made fun of me for driving in… — Mustafa Ali Copy Share Image
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It's funny because before I joined the cast of 'Heroes,' I was an insomniac. I have suffered from insomnia for, like, so… — Dana Davis Copy Share Image
“Thomas,” the boss said. “How’s your father doing?” “He’s good, Sal.” Always the family questions first. That was Sal Demenci’s style. He… — Gary Ponzo Copy Share Image
“I’m an idiot. I’m ten times an idiot. God, I could just die.” Then I forged ahead because the last comment was… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Dear teacher, its not fair to put all the smart kids into one group, sincerely failing and in need of the grade. — Drew Fonner Copy Share Image
“He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on." I look down at my shorts.… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been… — Louie Anderson Copy Share Image
The biggest mistake to most people Listen to half of the conversation Understand the quarter Speak all the time.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
They say Dont' drink and drive . Well … Yesterday I was drinking a Juice box While riding my Tricycle . Yeah . Im a Badass !!! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Bet it would be even more awkward if I kissed you now, huh?' Yes, please. 'The next time we kiss had better… — Rebecca Yarros Copy Share Image
Thomas Jefferson once said. He said , "We should never judge a President by his age, only by his works." And ever… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
Women are like iPhones: You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries: Rub one ball and… — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
“Setne laughed. “Nice try, dol. You guys sit tight. If you make it through the big shake-up, I’ll come back and get… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
That is what I got into comedy for, to be able to challenge myself and just grow as a comedian and find… — Jaboukie Young-White Copy Share Image
You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then… — Cindy Crawford Copy Share Image
Sgt. Hartman: 'How tall are you, Private?'... Private Cowboy: 'Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!'... Sgt. Hartman: 'Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that… — Gunnery Sgt Hartmant Copy Share Image
You're a jerk, an asshole, and immature you don't make sense and sometimes, I just want to strangle you, but on top… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
My dad is really funny, and I have a strong memory of being proud that he could make a room laugh, but… — Rebecca Front Copy Share Image
“Merrill Krause - "My brothers have scared off just about any fellow who showed interest in getting to know me." Granny Lassiter… — Tracie Peterson Copy Share Image
“Well, more or less, you just got struck by lightning." "Wait, what?" My brain stopped processing for a prolonged moment unable to… — Elizabeth Sharp Copy Share Image
Dear iPhone, I have typed hahaha like a million times, yet you continually give me hagaha, bahaha, gagaha... I hate you. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Regha called this life's like an ice cream, so quickly melt than freeze, if it runs out, we can buy again. But… — F's Copy Share Image
The 3 most difficult things to do in life. 1) Count your hair 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap 3)… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
