If you tell the reader it's funny, then the audience is like an audience at a stand-up comedy club and they expect… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in… — Nick Shamhart Copy Share Image
I was doing a college show for the first time, and there was this 20-year-old gay male who's been diabetic his entire… — Jessica Williams Copy Share Image
I didn't know if I could be funny on stage or write a joke. But I saw that there are no rules.… — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers. Now girls… — Habeeb Akande Copy Share Image
“Whoa, who was that?” “Madison Stone,” Kiara mutters. “Introduce me to her.” “Why?” Because I know it’ll annoy the shit out of… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
I'm as good as anybody out there lyrically and conceptually and can go toe to toe with the best of them throughout… — Coolio Copy Share Image
Lovely days in my life : Childhood Days, School Days & collage Days, Horrible days in my life : ONLY EXAM DAYS :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I come in the house soaking wet and am greeted by Is it Raining? Nope, I decided to take the fish for… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
If you're not going to give a smile, you can not, some lukewarm, if it is not possible to hear a joke!… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
“I think it's fair to say most video games let players experience only eight emotions: anger, panic, dread, surprise, wonder, satisfaction, joy… — Scott Rogers Copy Share Image
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things… — Lauren Graham Copy Share Image
It's really funny how I've come round to classical music around the back door with my banjo in my hand, and I… — Rhiannon Giddens Copy Share Image
I went to my son's graduation this weekend, and I heard a great quote I've never heard before from Albert Einstein. It… — Hamilton Jordan Copy Share Image
I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to… — Paris Hilton Copy Share Image
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I now know Im psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Here's the funny thing: Nothing drives a performance like an audience that gives back and even takes over. ECW was a product… — Paul Heyman Copy Share Image
There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
Funny in Michigan you can be a seasonal boyfriend and in the summer you can take off But in the winter you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it.… — Justin Bieber Copy Share Image
“Little James Herondale, age two, was in fact holding a dagger quite well. He stabbed it into a sofa cushion, sending out… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
The only rule was that the stuff had to be funny and pretty short. To me, the quintessential Army Man joke was… — George Meyer Copy Share Image
I’m really not interested in women as victims. Look at me, I get the last laugh ‘cause I get to be funny… — Nora Ephron Copy Share Image
“We probably won’t live long enough to run out of food, or electricity, or anything important.” “Oh, you’ll live,” Murphy said. “I… — Bobby Adair Copy Share Image
That's why I like to get out there, and get people to see the other side of Mitt, and know us in… — Ann Romney Copy Share Image
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something. — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“They have two moods, hungry and horny. So if you see a boy without an erection, you should go make him a… — Jillian Dodd Copy Share Image
“Everything in Australia is trying to kill you, haven't you heard? Half of the ten deadliest snakes in the world live in… — Rosalind James Copy Share Image
When you go back to 'Friends,' and you look at that as New York, there's no black people. That's not real. You're… — Terry Crews Copy Share Image
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without your even asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective… — Wendy Wasserstein Copy Share Image
“Lachlain and Emma: 'So you expect us to sit in this enclosed compartment the entire way in silence?' 'Of course not.' She… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“He's not my boyfriend." "Ha. That's a good one. I saw you two tonsil surfing out there." I could kill her. "I… — Carrie Jones Copy Share Image
“When you cross over into the weird stuff, there's no going back. Hector has a theory on it. Calls it the law… — A. Lee Martinez Copy Share Image
