“I occasionally laugh and tell him that his imperturbability is worth three hundred milligrams of lithium a day to me, and it… — Kay Redfield Jamison Copy Share Image
A famous inspirational speaker said: Best year of my life were spent inthe arms of a woman,who wasn't my wife Audience was… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
In high school, I was too shy to perform. It's one thing to get laughs from your family, to be funny at… — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
Sailing is just the bottom line, like adding up the score in bridge. My real interest is in the tremendous game of… — Dennis Conner Copy Share Image
When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash,"… — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
Never KISS a lady police, She will say, hands up. Never KISS a lady doctor, She will say, Next please Always KISS… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If mini skirts today get any shorter... women will have two more lips to paint, two more cheeks to powder, and a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long… — Taran Killam Copy Share Image
You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds… — Tucker Max Copy Share Image
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I always think I should get on it if I want to have kids. Because once you hit thirty it can be… — Sarah Copy Share Image
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Felicia (to Grayson) - To think Eliza truly does seem to be under the misimpression that you're capable of charm.” — Jen Turano Copy Share Image
Anybody pretending to be anything other than who you really are-you will never, ever reach your personal potential. — Oprah Winfrey Copy Share Image
SINCERE PRAY TO GOD!! I'm not asking for me I want something 4 my mother JUST SEND MY MOTHER A COOL AND… — Kand3n Copy Share Image
“Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor - the Women's Pavilion. The elevator bell… — Katie McGarry Copy Share Image
You know, I love airplane food. I'm not being funny; I'm not being ironic. It reminds me of being 12 years old… — Josh Freese Copy Share Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
I really like Akshay Kumar. He can be funny and weird while at the same time. His films are always interesting and… — Kiku Sharda Copy Share Image
“They sent the shrink round yesterday. He's put me on Prozac. Prozac! He thinks I'm depressed.' 'Aren't you depressed?' 'I wasn't depressed.'… — Gavin Extence Copy Share Image
It's funny: I look at songs, and I guess they each tell a story, and the different songs talk about different things.… — Dianne Reeves Copy Share Image
I loved cartoons as a kid, and so many funny moments in animation for me are nonverbal sounds, unarticulated mouth noise. — Alan Tudyk Copy Share Image
I think Jimmy Carr is very funny and probably the most industrious comedian I know and I really respect him for that. — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
I know it's been a long time since we met, still your memories are impossible to forget, and when I finally saw… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Proof computers are female: Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Let's say goodbye to the hottest summer on record and to the people who kept reminding us it was the hottest summer… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For whatever reason, I think we have one type of animated movie and it's so wrong. I want to do a drama,… — Genndy Tartakovsky Copy Share Image
Me and Elmo had a fight. Cookie Monster say sorry but Elmo still mad. Elmo left and me feel sad. Now, cookie… — Elmo And Cookie Monster Copy Share Image
I feel so proud of myself, see I bought a Rubik cube and finished it in 6 months while the box said… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In the cool dark basement, she whispers, "It's not Ralph, is it?" Cabel's quiet for a moment, as if he's thinking, "You… — Lisa McMann Copy Share Image
Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England… — Jenny Eclair Copy Share Image
“Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“A brick could create a clear winner in a fight if instead of fighting pillows against blankets, you fought bricks against blankets.” — Amy Riekhof Copy Share Image
“What is so often laughable, in the stories of Kundera's Czechoslovakia, is how grimly serious just about everything turns out to be,… — Philip Roth Copy Share Image
Sometimes people will raise a hand to their mouth in shock at something I've said. Sometimes people will laugh and berate themselves… — Liz Carr Copy Share Image
