“Yes, I was standing on nothing but congealed starlight. Yes, I was walking up through a savage storm, the wind threatening to… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
It's funny - I was a big fan of 'The Sopranos.' It became kind of a threat to 'The X-Files' in a… — Chris Carter Copy Share Image
I have a very short attention span, which is funny. I mean, you'd watch me and think that I don't, but I… — David Lowery Copy Share Image
“It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an… — Simon Holt Copy Share Image
“Me too, Arch,” Jeremiah said. “I want an answer about my request to transfer. Even now, my balls are shrinking in anticipation… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
There are many styles of standup, but the comedians I like are people like Dick Gregory and Richard Pryor. Because Richard Pryor… — Charlie Murphy Copy Share Image
Le Corbusier is an outstanding writer. His ideas achieved their impact in large measure because he could write so convincingly. His style… — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
I got a lot of unwanted attention when I was young. I'd be at a tournament at age 9 and there'd be… — Bradley Wright-Phillips Copy Share Image
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Caring for someone is easy but to make someone care for you is difficult¦ So never lose the one who really cares… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
This is a good look. I'm gonna mess him up," Pattinson praises Stewart. "And I'm just like, I don't know what's going… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
It's sad for a girl to reach the age where men consider her charmless, but it's worse for a man to attain… — Barbra Streisand Copy Share Image
I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television.… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point… — Richard Carlson Copy Share Image
I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We're happy that you were able to come to the wedding despite not having time to RSVP with the self addressed, pre-paid… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway. 'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a… — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor Copy Share Image
Scenes change all the time. Scenes will change while you're shooting them, and you just have to roll with it 'cause that's… — Yara Shahidi Copy Share Image
I regret behaving badly when I was younger. I did not know any better at the time. The thing is that the… — Jim Broadbent Copy Share Image
There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want… — George Burns Copy Share Image
I was a business major at the University of Richmond, and after I graduated, I took a job at a corporate ad… — Lil Dicky Copy Share Image
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best… — David Coleman Copy Share Image
America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
My dad's really funny. The male sense of humor - like my grandfather's and such - is pretty bizarre. Basically my dad's… — Kurt Vile Copy Share Image
“We bask in the scent of cinnamon before Mom puts a scone her plate. 'His name is Rich,' she says. I select… — Kelly Bingham Copy Share Image
I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Funny enough, there have been puppets in everything I've written because I have a huge love of puppets. There's a big puppet… — Jason Segel Copy Share Image
“If you find yourself suddenly mated to a werewolf, whatever you do, don't panic. Simply turn to Jen for assistance and she… — Quinn Loftis Copy Share Image
“I'm not sure whether to be relieved she didn't hurt you or diappointed. Now he's going to think he got away with… — Christine Warren Copy Share Image
You know what?...Huhh!..my c0rn...I never give up that easily...but I know your Cockerel ain't gonna leave to see another day. — Old Roger Copy Share Image
“What the hell?” Ian asked, holding his hands over the front of his Christmas briefs. Sara had ordered them from the Internet,… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care… — April Gornik Copy Share Image
Money won't ever make you happy, nor was it ever meant to. Happiness comes from within. Money at best will make you… — James Arthur Ray Copy Share Image
For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post… — Stephanie Copy Share Image
The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys… — Alan Carr Copy Share Image
In the grasp of self-righteousness of his heroism a never want to accept that A women are single omnipotent in this world,… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
You know what, December's a funny time of the year, because the weather changes, the central heating comes on; sometimes you can… — Phil Taylor Copy Share Image
