Tina Fey writes crazy, off-color, racist, hilarious stuff for '30 Rock,' but it's always funny because you're in this almost two-dimensional world… — Gavin Creel Copy Share Image
People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer,… — Arthur Marx Copy Share Image
The day-to-day life we lead has nothing to do with enlightenment. It is just around the corner, and we don't see it. — Frederick Lenz Copy Share Image
It's funny looking at yourself. You know how it is when you look back at old pictures? It's just funny looking back… — Jennifer Connelly Copy Share Image
“Yes, Roger Ailes, who actually was very funny and who, as far as I know, did not sexually harass anyone during the… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
“Death is the ultimate vacation: you’re with the stars, you don’t have to pay rent, everyone loves you, and nothing hurts. So,… — Karl Kristian Flores Copy Share Image
Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife,… — Jim Bouton Copy Share Image
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before you speak listen, before you write think, Before you quit try, Before you take a SHIT, look at the toilet paper. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two-year suspension for a lawyer found having jailhouse sex with a triple murder… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
If I hadn't been told I was garbage, I wouldn't have learned how to show people I'm talented. And if everyone had… — Gabourey Sidibe Copy Share Image
We are funny creatures. We don't see the stars as they are, so why do we love them? They are not small… — Saul Bellow Copy Share Image
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
“Has something happened to upset you today?” “Yeah, I had an argument with a vacuum cleaner hose, it wanted me to it… — Gillibran Brown Copy Share Image
I couldn't believe it. That was the first time I had ever seen somebody celebrate for a whole 40-second clock. That was… — Charles Woodson Copy Share Image
“That's us," I said smiling brightly. "The Udells." That seemed to wake Roger up a little, and he blinked at me, surprised.… — Morgan Matson Copy Share Image
Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting… — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
To me, the best comedians are the ones that take everyday, normal, boring stuff that no one thinks is funny, and they… — Blake Griffin Copy Share Image
“She stared down into her coffee, as if she had more to say, but the words had fallen into the mug and… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
I have Janicza solely to thank for my growth as an actor because she saw in me something that other people just… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
When my father died, my mother came back from being Mrs. Birkin to being Judy Campbell. She was a stunning actress. She… — Jane Birkin Copy Share Image
Career wise, I think the dream for many of us is some kind of late night type of show. Something where you're… — Michelle Beadle Copy Share Image
“I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see… — Holly Hood Copy Share Image
Man is a historical being : The realisations of the powers of human individuals living at any one time takes the cooperation… — John Rawls Copy Share Image
I don't need no stool and mike stand. I don't need all of that to be funny. I've been funny my whole… — Tracy Morgan Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house & everyone in it, & I learned we… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You’ve never reacted to someone else. You project meaning onto nothing. And you react to the meaning you’ve projected — Byron Katie Copy Share Image
The funny thing about acting is, there's no 'right' way to make it. Some people need to work their butts off, and… — Alexander Dreymon Copy Share Image
Some of the events in the Olympics don't make sense to me. I don't understand the connection to any reality... Like in… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
“That's not what he meant," Rachel says again, pink flushing her cheeks. "Actually, I meant-" I start to say, but Willow cuts… — C.J. Redwine Copy Share Image
There is a time early in life when there seem to be countless reasons for happiness, and then you discover your mom… — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and… — Eminem Copy Share Image
It is only after that we understand what has come before, then we understand nothing. Thus we shall define the soul as… — R. Scott Bakker Copy Share Image
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you. — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
I was a little bit ashamed of American TV because I thought, 'None of the shows my father works on are as… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
“Snake pulled out the digital camera and decided to play a joke on Otacon. He snapped a picture of the pinup, muttered,… — Raymond Benson Copy Share Image
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
