If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
You don't have much faith in people, do you?' asked David. 'I don't have much faith in anything,' Roland replied. 'Not even… — John Connolly Copy Share Image
She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
“This is just your penis having the feels for my vagina. Your penis is making prank calls! and every single time your… — Penny Reid Copy Share Image
“Hey,' he said, touching my waist. 'Hey. It's okay.' I nodded and wiped my face with the back of my hand. 'He… — John Green Copy Share Image
Stop, look, listen Great advice not only for crossing the road, but also when you're mid-wink and suspect your wife is home. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I've been invited to appear on Letterman, but they wanted me to talk about a funny videotape of Congress. 'Bring us your… — Brian Lamb Copy Share Image
“Sei: The Kudzu snacks were so good I had two and a half bowls but seeing you eat 16 and a half… — Taeko Watanabe Copy Share Image
Sometimes I am lucky enough to hang out with Tim Key and he is constantly funny. Every moment. When I haven't seen… — Sara Pascoe Copy Share Image
I'm afraid that this is me getting on my high horse now but we have yob television, yob newspapers, and funny enough… — Gordon Strachan Copy Share Image
Today I went on Google.com & searched ninjas. The computer told me Ninjas cannot be found. Well played, ninjas, well played — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I think I'm very hard to cast - unless you go out on a limb. I don't look funny. I don't look… — Maureen Lipman Copy Share Image
Guess what I'm gonna call my dog when I'm 18 what naked why the hell would u call ur dog naked so… — Nbb Copy Share Image
I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Inspirational tweet of the day: If you ever feel like you're about to do something you're going to regret later, do it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“There were dumplings on the train, sold by grim men and women with deep lines cut into their faces by years and… — Cory Doctorow Copy Share Image
“She said several times that Malcolm was a fiend who was determined to destroy his children, and that I was the devil… — Dick Francis Copy Share Image
Venom' is a standalone character who has so much attitude, menace and ferocity. He's also really funny in the comics and in… — Ruben Fleischer Copy Share Image
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of red rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It was a role [Dean Sanderson] I hadn't seen before, and yet it was very accessible and relatable at the same time.… — Rob Lowe Copy Share Image
At a Metro station, I got called out by my character name - Meera - and I realised that I had started… — Mithila Palkar Copy Share Image
What Happened to Eminem? I LOVE Him! But did he like just drop off the face of the world? You Never Hear… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I get to watch my son play at the school that was my dream school. God has a funny way of giving… — Ryan Clark Copy Share Image
I admire the commitment of girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day?… — Valdovinoz1015 Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you are talking in the class with your friend and everybody shuts up and you end up shouting… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all… — Daniel Dennett Copy Share Image
With the Internet being such an easy way to find comedians you think are funny, I think you're probably seeing so many… — Megan Stalter Copy Share Image
Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull… — Gigi Hadid Copy Share Image
I'm sorry that I'm an intellectual. I'm not a skeptic, it doesn't take me twenty minutes to philosophically argue what colour the… — Jeremy Limn Copy Share Image
If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Humor was also a defense mechanism from getting picked on at school. If I could be funny maybe people wouldn't bother me. — Pandora Boxx Copy Share Image
:P everytime you takl behind my back I find it funny because your taking your time out to talk about me behind… — Tamika-leeigh Copy Share Image
Cockroaches are afraid of Rats..Rats are afraid of Cats..Cats are afraid of Dogs.. Dogs are afraid of Men..Men are afraid of Women..and… — Kand3n Copy Share Image
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Teaching someone to be funny is like teaching someone to be fast. They're already fast. You're just making them faster. — Ali Farahnakian Copy Share Image
It's funny, when I'm in airports and I'm walking around, maybe feeling a little tired in my sweatpants and not wanting to… — S.E. Cupp Copy Share Image
Your pictures would have been finished a long time ago if I were not forced every day to do something to earn… — Edgar Degas Copy Share Image
“It was all Mrs. Bumble. She would do it," urged Mr. Bumble; first looking round, to ascertain that his partner had left… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I went to my first school dance on the set of 'Spider-Man.' The funny thing is, it wasn't actually real. I didn't… — Angourie Rice Copy Share Image
![“It was a role [Dean Sanderson] I hadn't seen before, and yet it was very accessible and relatable at the same time. I read scripts that have one or the other, but I rarely read scripts that have both. And it was laugh-out-loud funny.” quote by Rob Lowe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b63/rob-lowe-855_dean_it-was-a-role-dean-sanderson-i-hadn-t-se_3109455.jpg)
