I always dreamed of being an entertainer. So, my whole life to some extent, or from the age that I can remember… — Lil Dicky Copy Share Image
“You’re a talking cat?” Endora asked with a look of disbelief on her face. “My, my, my, aren’t you the bright bulb… — Sophie Palmer Copy Share Image
Funny songs, that’s my ticket. I can’t remember when it started or why it started, it’s just something that I NEEDED. — Jack Black Copy Share Image
You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age; They were not such a plague when… — William Butler Yeats Copy Share Image
Did you just cut your hair? he asked, so I pulled out my axe & chopped off his arm & asked Did… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a… — Salley Vickers Copy Share Image
Every single one of you, before you get off the pile, affect the head. Early, affect the head. Continue, touch and hit… — Gregg Williams Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I was a child. Today Im younger and tomorrow Ill become older but the day after tomorrow once again Ill live… — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
'Crash' came from personal experience. I saw things inside me from living in L.A. that made me uncomfortable. I saw horrible things… — Paul Haggis Copy Share Image
Looking back on the event, I find myself thinking there are three approaches to journalism represented here. One is the "cool" approach… — David "Doc" Searls Copy Share Image
“If I could fly, I would soar all the way up to the window of a plane carrying a suitcase in my… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
Two things in life that are difficult to achieve: 1. To plant your idea in someone's head. 2. To plant someone's money… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let me tell you something. I'm a funny girl, and I gave birth to what? Funny. I can't help it. It just… — Niecy Nash Copy Share Image
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl: Your favorite band/singer sucks! * 25 MINUTES LATER* Cop: So she fell down the stairs? Me: Yeah, Let's go with that. — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
“Arrgh!” Hadleigh flung up an arm to shield her eyes but the damage had been done. She’d seen a lot of ugly… — Jane Cousins Copy Share Image
When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality. — Al Capone Copy Share Image
Never draw anything you can copy, never copy anything you can trace, never trace anything you can cut out and paste up. — Wally Wood Copy Share Image
“She was a bitch,' Carl suddenly heard somebody say in the background, and that apparently refreshed everyone's memory. Yes, thought Carl with… — Jussi Adler-Olsen Copy Share Image
I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all… — Thomas Haden Church Copy Share Image
That, they never could lay their heads upon their pillows; that, they could never tolerate the idea of their wives laying their… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Sorry I'm late," Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when… — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing, grab a shovel, and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The man you’re going to marry should be like a brick: strong, sturdy, supportive and almost always hard in your presence.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
“Screw sharks; a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat… — Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Draus Copy Share Image
“The old agility was still present and the passion was undeniable, but it was the wobbling of the gut, the puffing of… — Jamie Holoran Copy Share Image
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese… — James H Kabbler III Copy Share Image
“He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes." "He's always taking something - generally food.” — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday.… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all. — Idina Menzel Copy Share Image
The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh… — Richard Branson Copy Share Image
I feel that this is my first year, that next year is an election year, that the third year is the mid… — Dan Quayle Copy Share Image
There is only one thing worse than training employees and losing them, and that's not training them and keeping them — Zig Ziglar Copy Share Image
I always thought that my dad is hilarious, but Ive learned as Ive gotten older that hes actually not funny. Hes just… — Renee Rapp Copy Share Image
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries.… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
He used to think that he was fantastic in bed until he discovered that all his girlfriends suffered from asthma…… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I love horror. It's funny, because 'The Invitation' never struck me as horror, but it's definitely that type of thriller. — Karyn Kusama Copy Share Image
