Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are… — Stephen Wright Copy Share Image
Sometimes you have to be reminded where you were at the time, and songs are a good vehicle for that. It's so… — Samuel Ervin Beam Copy Share Image
“We'll never find that one, and I'll be blamed," announced Edd Tollett, the dour grey-haired squire everyone called Dolorous Edd. "Nothing ever… — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
I'm serious, in general, and I guess I cling onto the little freedom I have offscreen. Having said that, I am funny… — Nithya Menen Copy Share Image
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance Bad girls think no place is the wrong place… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Starring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to replywhile thinking, damn it's a goodthing we aren't talking… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“A trip there would be about as enjoyable as fending off a pack of hippos with a piece of cauliflower while someone… — Robin George Andrews Copy Share Image
I'm not a jealous person. I'm just a girl that would love to punch every other girl in the face that gives… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I find that there's so much funny stuff in real life, and I am much more interested in super grounded, real stuff,… — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I hope we all feel more comfortable acknowledging the power of image in our perceived successes and our perceived failures. — Cameron Russell Copy Share Image
He ended up on his own. I thought, he's got rid of everybody else, he's going to get rid of himself and… — Tony Hancock Copy Share Image
Once an actor told me he went to the Shakespeare School of Acting, and I said, 'I went to the Shakespeare of… — Michael Clarke Duncan Copy Share Image
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
“Is that sex talk?" she asked uncertainly. "It is." "Why don't you just say sex then? It's always chalice and appetite and… — R. Lee Smith Copy Share Image
“At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
“We play and tease, but―darn it―he has not dragged me into the rain and kissed me senseless yet. And that's how it's… — Shari L. Tapscott Copy Share Image
It's funny how you can be thought of as somebody who humanizes bad guys, and I'll take that, but it is something… — Mahershala Ali Copy Share Image
Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything,"… — Aaron Swartz Copy Share Image
“Go to sleep, dweller-baby. I’ll kill Elowin as soon as we find her.” He didn’t sound like he was kidding. Each word… — Jaymin Eve Copy Share Image
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Frank Skinner was a terrible flatmate in some respects. He never cooked and the cleaning lady refused to go into his room.… — David Baddiel Copy Share Image
The number of times you say Dont judge me is directly proportional to the amount of things you do that you know… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
Raw parsley makes me gag. It's the same for my mum and my sister. Which is funny because apparently parsley was used… — Daisy Lowe Copy Share Image
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE CEREMONY, a ritual which should be written (o cut down on divorces) -- by adding a line to the groom's questions… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Tom Cruise isn't that big of a guy," my mom always says. I love how she tries to avoid using the word… — A.E. Cannon Copy Share Image
“You're ruining that book!" He pointed to the page I'd torn out. "That's a perfectly good book!" Holding his gaze, I reached… — Kate Avery Ellison Copy Share Image
If I reach over and choke you, it's not that I don't like you. It's just that I've had to much caffeine… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Winston Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it! — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
“Prove to me that you are not a figment of my imagination. Am I a computer simulation? Does the door swing both… — Jessica Park Copy Share Image
“There was an audible gasp, like everyone had been sucker-punched, and the sound reverberated through the hall like he’d just announced that… — Andrea Speed Copy Share Image
The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.' — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
If you're cute, you can call me baby If you're nice, you can call me sweetie But if you're hot, you can… — Ritu Copy Share Image
Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole… — Bjarne Stroustrup Copy Share Image
“Throughout my training we always had a mantra; They come first. If I had really and truly screwed up my future, I'd… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that.… — Kellan Lutz Copy Share Image
