“I had a dream about you. We were ice fishing in my freezer. I caught a few cold beers, and you wondered… — Dora J. Arod Copy Share Image
My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk,… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
“In my mind, she was Lebkuchen Spice—ironic, Germanic, sexy, and off beat. And, mein Gott, the girl could bake a damn fine… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
“God will break California from the surface of the continent like someone breaking off a piece of chocolate. It will become its… — Laura Ruby Copy Share Image
Standing up for what you believe is right, as well as standing up for what you believe is funny, standing up for… — El-P Copy Share Image
“I won’t share you, Dylan. I mean that. If you think for one second now that we’re married, you can try and… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
When I speak of diversity, I don't mean replacement of white comics. I don't mean acceptance by white comics. We comics who… — Amanda Seales Copy Share Image
I have not worked at all... Nothing seems worth putting down - I seem to have nothing to say - it appalls… — Georgia O'Keeffe Copy Share Image
“Have you forgotten," she said in a furious whisper, "that he nearly killed us? That he threw my quiver in the stream,… — Michelle Paver Copy Share Image
To all of you, I repeat: Do not let yourselves be robbed of hope! Do not let yourselves be robbed of hope!… — Pope Francis Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never… — Spuds Crawford Copy Share Image
Confidence, self respect, humility, my dick, patience, honesty and loyalty are few of the qualities I want in a woman. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
“I firmly believe that if you can't fool all of the people all of the time you should start breeding them for… — Dave Sim Copy Share Image
My fiance and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was never funny. I'd be funny once a year at Christmas. I'd do impressions of how people talked and danced, but… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
Alan Rickman told me to do a play, so I did. Because when Alan Rickman tells you do something, you go and… — Matthew Lewis Copy Share Image
“Clearly, this was another thing I needed to add to the: ‘repetitive cycle of things that were constantly happening in my life’… — Adele Rose Copy Share Image
To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Not one word about proposals, no matter how much she pushes,” I told my friends. “No matter what she says or how… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“Sikujui. Lakini naamini hungependa kuishi maisha yako hapa duniani bila kuacha urithi au kumbukumbu ya aina yoyote katika jamii.” — Enock Maregesi Copy Share Image
That AWKWARD MOMENT when your trying your best to make up some stories then afterwards you get caught by slipping your words… — ALYSSA Copy Share Image
I learned a great lesson early on, even before I was really an actor, from that movie 'Planes, Trains & Automobiles' that… — Joel Edgerton Copy Share Image
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“Halfway through the set, the lead singer, who goes by Cloud, knife in hand, begins to stab at the cutout of Copal… — Fernando A. Flores Copy Share Image
People always say life is short. I've never been convinced of that - mine seems to have a tendency to go on… — John Malkovich Copy Share Image
I believe in a reasonable amount of "right to bear arms". But private citizens of the United States are not allowed to… — Ted Turner Copy Share Image
“He shook his head, but I kept flattering him, telling him how fine his beard was, how fair his skin was (ha!),… — Aravind Adiga Copy Share Image
Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There's a portion of the movie where something bad happens to me, and I lose my clothes along the way, so essentially… — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
Of course there are certain things that get to me, but I try and lead by example and show people that, especially… — Kesha Copy Share Image
“Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on… — Yvonne Prinz Copy Share Image
The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into… — Arthur Smith Copy Share Image
Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In terms of sheer pleasure, Tom Stoppard was very big for me because he is so funny and so smart, and it… — Greta Gerwig Copy Share Image
All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To me, there's nothing funnier than funny people in peril, because it's just a great springboard for people to be at a… — Paul Feig Copy Share Image
“Uh- you shouldn't mock orange if I were you - Why not? *everyone sings* He will He will mock you He will… — Annoying Orange Copy Share Image
I love when people say to me¦ Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy &… — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
