When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. — Debra Granik Copy Share Image
“I've been single so long that if I hug a brother, he'll get pregnant!” — Tranea Prosser Copy Share Image
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? . . . Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff. — Morgan Freeman Copy Share Image
You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people:… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Randhir Kapoor is very funny and has an inborn humour. He performs so many antics that he really impresses you as an… — Arshad Warsi Copy Share Image
“...You see I believe in that stuff to: yoga and mystical powers. I once knew a man who could kill himself on… — Roman Payne Copy Share Image
“—Then, said Cranly, you do not intend to become a protestant? —I said that I had lost the faith, Stephen answered, but… — James Joyce Copy Share Image
What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long… — Alan Beck Copy Share Image
I was a very earnest child. I was not funny. I would get laughed at for my earnestness, so I learned to… — Cole Escola Copy Share Image
“According to Mark 11:12-13, God's messengers were not the only ones who were incompetent: 'He [Jesus] was hungry. And on seeing in… — G.M. Jackson Copy Share Image
When I was a boy, I had a grand, big tape recorder, and I made late-night radio shows with glasses of water… — Donovan Copy Share Image
![“According to Mark 11:12-13, God's messengers were not the only ones who were incompetent: 'He [Jesus] was hungry. And on seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs.'…” quote by G.M. Jackson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f25/g-m-jackson-38985_bible-absurdities_according-to-mark-11-12-13-god-s-messeng_2566275.jpg)
