If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I make a mistake - I'm an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake... You know, he's only human! — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Honeymoon is a trial period in which no complaints will be accepted. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
“Had there been a lunatic asylum in the suburbs of Jerusalem, Jesus Christ would infallibly have been shut up in it at… — Havelock Ellis Copy Share Image
What you are looking to create is a positive, happy life: the more you intend that your thoughts are positive and happy,… — Tony Burroughs Copy Share Image
You say I'm a bi**h? Well a bi**h is a dog, and dogs bark, and bark is on trees, and trees are… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Are you two you know?" Jacob pointed at us. " Together? Together? " I didn't get a chance to answer. Cam spun… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
Why would you let me know before unfollowing me? You're making it easier for me to track you down and murder you. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Gang of Santa-Banta broke a bank, but instead of cash they find bottles of chilled red wine... happily they drink and left… — A Josland Copy Share Image
The idea that Bill Gates (one of the founders of Microsoft) has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
It's funny. I don't really think of us as TV presenters. I think of TV presenters as responsible people who show children… — Declan Donnelly Copy Share Image
Girls worry about the things Guys forget... Guys always worry about the things Girls remember — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them. — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
The more false we destroy, the more room there will be for the true. — Robert Green Ingersoll Copy Share Image
Mission impossible: not eating a french fry on the way home from the drivethru. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Out of all the airports that are out there only about 5 percent have commercial service. — Chris Brown Copy Share Image
Accept that some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re going to be the windshield. — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.” — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
In the vast majority of businesses, there is simply no such thing as ‘the best,’ — Michael Porter Copy Share Image
That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. — John Wayne Copy Share Image
Why is there a show calledWhen animals attack? It shouldbe called When stupid people go near dangerous animals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The injuries that befall us unexpectedly are less severe than those which are deliberately anticipated. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean. — Confucius Copy Share Image
I love to just get in the booth. Put some tracks down. I’m basically Rihanna. — Kate McKinnon Copy Share Image
Teachers call it Go to the bathroom. We call it I'm bored,I'm gonna go wander around school. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Diet rule 1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
For all the girls that say ¦.. All guys are the same ¦¦ Who told you to try them ALL. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some would have us believe that God is present everywhere. It is not so — Brigham Young Copy Share Image
A police officer asked me where I was between 4 and 5? I said kindergarten. — Kayla Knight Copy Share Image
I didn't like where I once was, so I promised myself I wouldn't be back there. — Ray Lewis Copy Share Image
A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
