A weakness of this age is our inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd like to use Friendship Day to reassure you that you're not the one member of our group no one likes... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ladies are honest. They're my motivation. They know what's funny, and the dudes just follow. — Tracy Morgan Copy Share Image
If there's one thing I know, it's men. I ought to. It's been my life's work. — Marie Dressler Copy Share Image
How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Niggas be wanting a girl who plays video games, watch sports & wear jordan's. Sounds like you want a boyfriend bro ahah...;) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
I'm showbiz-fat. It's so funny, in all the reviews that I read, no one wants to use the word 'fat' as an… — Marissa Jaret Winokur Copy Share Image
Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you've got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside… — Zayn Malik Copy Share Image
“We really need to find a cure for stupidity, and fast! I've heard it's contagious...No wonder why there's so many of them.” — Analiza Micheal Copy Share Image
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off… — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
It's funny because my mom is not a singer at all, nor is my father. But I definitely get more of my… — Nadia Ali Copy Share Image
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Jerry Seinfeld has an interesting theory. He goes, '20 pounds up or down, and you lose your funny.' — Jason Alexander Copy Share Image
If you tell me plz because it's shorter than please. I'll say no because it's shorter than yes. — Uchiha Copy Share Image
You lose nothing through peace. You can lose everything through war. — Pope Pius XII Copy Share Image
“Silence had weight. And in that moment, it was heavier than both of them could carry.” — Janus Lucky Copy Share Image
Almost considered doing something with my life, but thenI sat down and logged into Facebook — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all. — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
You can do nothing that is in conflict with your own image of what you really are. — James Van Fleet Copy Share Image
“Being a laborer with one hand is about as useful as being a sperm donor with one nut.” — Devon McCormack Copy Share Image
Strangest thing is, you learn the value of experience only with experience — Ranvir Shorey Copy Share Image
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting. — George Burns Copy Share Image
When I get a phone call, I always wait for it to ring a certain amount of times before I answer it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For me, the sun used to shine right out of your butt. Now, all I see when I look there is a… — Bird Copy Share Image
-Why are all rich men jerks?- -Same reason all beautiful women are bitches- — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer. — David Acfield Copy Share Image
