“Quite a lot is a large amount but quite a few is also a large amount.” — Teresa Monachino Copy Share Image
“Well, go on then, Abby; run along and let the nice man compromise you.” — Anne Gracie Copy Share Image
'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny. — Philippe Falardeau Copy Share Image
I have had zero relationships and I am perfectly happy with that I don't need a boy to make me happy — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Man was sent on earth to struggle... AND Woman was sent on earth to make sure it happens... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Sorry the relationship everyone thought was the worst decision of your life has ended. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Human Brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours for 365 days. It functions right from the time we were born and only… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants — Dave Beard Copy Share Image
Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns?… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whether it's an innate ability or an acquired way of regarding the world around us, being labeled as funny can only be… — Alan Zweibel Copy Share Image
Peace comes from the acceptance of the part of you that can never be at peace. — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. — Maya Angelou Copy Share Image
My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge. We'll see about that. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 50 minute clarinet solo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. — Diana Vreeland Copy Share Image
The oldest and best known evil was ever more supportable than one that was new and untried. — Michel de Montaigne Copy Share Image
When you tug at a single thing in the universe, you'll find its attached to everything else. — John Muir Copy Share Image
You have to understand a bit about the poetry of the blues to know where the references are coming from. — Van Morrison Copy Share Image
Some day, you will trust me again...but for now, I'm sorry that our love had to end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler. — Dave Mordal Copy Share Image
Genius has somewhat of the infantine; but of the childish not a touch or taint. — Robert Browning Copy Share Image
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
Holiness has nothing to do with what we know and everything to do with Who we know. — Aiden Wilson Tozer Copy Share Image
I hate when I have to re-download the file just because I can not find the file that previously downloaded — RK26 Copy Share Image
Disney movies also taught me that my main goal in life, is to find a fucking prince and marry him. — Jenna Marbles Copy Share Image
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
