I grew up in a funny household, and I love making people laugh. It brings me so much joy. — Natasha Rothwell Copy Share Image
LIKE if you don't care what people think about you because you do what YOU want — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If all else fails, get in bed at 8:00pm and watch a bunch of shit on tv. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Thanks for coming in early and staying late because I have kids and you don't. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A rich person is not the one who has the most but the one who needs the least. — Jezreel Copy Share Image
I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer,… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian,… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I try to shy away from playing cranky people, but if it's just a funny next-door neighbor or business man, I'll say,… — Fred Willard Copy Share Image
“Yes," said Margaret, smiling. "You don't have three dead cats on your mantlepiece." Dane stopped short. "DEAD CATS?" he repeated incredulously, taken… — Sarah Brazytis Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you… — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Looks like Facebook and myspace got divorced but Facebook got the all the kids :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“There's a funny thing about everything, even if you have to make it up!” — Jessica Jo Ann Thometz Copy Share Image
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. — Mickey Rooney Copy Share Image
Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In America, funny women are allowed to be glamorous and funny, but over here, you're not. — Emily Atack Copy Share Image
When I started off in comedy it was all about the funny, with nothing else to support it. — Nick Mohammed Copy Share Image
Biggest worry after going to bed every night: Should I go pee right now, or wait until tomorrow morning? — ARINDAM SEN Copy Share Image
Don't you just hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes? — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you get something that you don't work for, you won't know how to value or maintain it. — DeVon Franklin Copy Share Image
There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dear student who finished the test in 7 minutes, I HOPE YOU FAIL. Sincerely, still on the 1st question. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This thaw -- took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
A bridegroom is a man who spends a lot of money on a new suit that nobody notices. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I think I'm incredibly funny, but rarely do other people think I'm as funny. That's my crime. — Terry Dubrow Copy Share Image
You can't know where life will take you, but you can commit to a direction — Wendell Berry Copy Share Image
Dear math, grow up and solve your own stupid problems I'm sick and tired of doing it for you! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I didn't want to be a comedian. I was just funny. I jumped on stage and found out I was good at… — Eddie Griffin Copy Share Image
'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said. — Evelyn Waugh Copy Share Image
