Yo mamma so fat that when she sits on the toilet it say abcdefg det your fat ass off of me — Jessica Olguin Copy Share Image
If you don't like me, it's not my fault.. it just means you have no taste! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I have NEVER worked with a better lead generating company! Thank You Zillow. — Spencer Rascoff Copy Share Image
I'm out to take the Bible, create disciples who make disciples, disciple cycles... — LeCrae Copy Share Image
I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!" — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“That’s what you do. With your father. You flip it. Just sort of own whatever it is. Not just with him. You… — Huntley Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
I just remember one girl really getting me on the field and beating the holy crap out of me. I never to… — Shirley Ballas Copy Share Image
I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece… — Axl Rose Copy Share Image
“What?" I said, suspicion starting to rise in me. "When did they start coming after you?" "Was it— was it after the… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If 'is' means 'is and never has been' that's one thing… — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
I wouldn't necessarily have been making books about how to make comics if I'd really felt I knew how to make comics. — Scott McCloud Copy Share Image
I like to be aware and know what's going on, but at the same time I like to be in my own… — Chris Redd Copy Share Image
Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. — Doug Larson Copy Share Image
Men have to recognize that women are not all the same when it comes to what can get them aroused. — Drew Pinsky Copy Share Image
If you devote yourself to more than yourself ... you will have more than yourself to show for yourself. — Andy Stanley Copy Share Image
Dating your exes again are just like shopping at your own garage sale. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In f-major, c* is a sonority contained within the overtones of the tonic f*. — Jean-Philippe Rameau Copy Share Image
Remember that true beauty comes from within - from within bottles, jars, compacts, and lipstick tubes — Jeffree Star Copy Share Image
That which is impossible and probable is better than that which is possible and improbable. — Aristotle Copy Share Image
Taylor Swift seems like the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'? — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I have read the Aeneid through more often than I have read any long poem. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
A doctor is a person who kills you today to prevent you from dying tomorrow. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Sorry I missed your call I took to long to answer cause I was dancing to the ringtone — Ana 13 Copy Share Image
The way is the beginning of all beings and the measure of right and wrong. — Han Fei Copy Share Image
You can never get someplace physically until you've been there mentally. — Wade Schalles Copy Share Image
I don't think I said a single funny thing in class between 2004 and 2008. — Ivo Graham Copy Share Image
