I get dumber as the day goes along. Every second of the day that goes along, I get stupider. — John Waters Copy Share Image
Its funny how the people who don't know you have the most to say about you. — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves. — Robert Rodriguez Copy Share Image
I would rather be funny than gorgeous, absolutely. Because it's too hard to be gorgeous, you know. I could make a stab… — Gilda Radner Copy Share Image
“She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
Research has revealed that you can actually fall in love with your own wife if some other man describes her to you... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When a girl says 'Whatever' she really means; I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark,… — Blondie Copy Share Image
If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic? -A — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There should be an entire column on social networking sites for pictures, statuses, and relationships that no one gives a fuck about... — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
“Do you have any old copies of Dickens? Bookseller: We've got a copy of David Copperfield from 1850 for $150. Customer: Why… — Jen Campbell Copy Share Image
They tie dog to the pole.. So they dont move. Thats how I feel When someone sitting with cellphone attached to a… — Priyanka Copy Share Image
Monday is international zombie day. We all look like zombies and act like them — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Sorry I wasn't on yesterday. We had a storm where I live, and the electric wasn't on until about an hour ago — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Words make another place, a place to escape to with your spirit alone. — Robert MacNeil Copy Share Image
As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
To whoever stole my Microsoft Office: You're gonna pay. You have my Word! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone. — Flip Wilson Copy Share Image
Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
Why is it when ever I have a great idea it's right after I'm done having a conversation with myself? — Merle Rowland Copy Share Image
There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that, but you are the only you. — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Anyone here a fan of The Little Mix? OR. is anyone a fan of Odd Future? lol — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Most power is power to coerce somebody. We don't have the power to coerce anybody. — Charles Koch Copy Share Image
Don't forget to tell everyone how you hate Mondays, because we were all wondering how you feel about them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Perish any man who suspects that these men either did or suffered anything unseemly. — Philip II of Macedon Copy Share Image
“Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm” — David Cross Copy Share Image
“Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!” — Christina Scalise Copy Share Image
Lemons are yellow, Lemons are sour. Open you're legs, And give me an hour. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
