Funny Quotes · Page 773

Love and liveAnd live and loveEach momentTo the fullest.

— Sri Chinmoy

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him…

— Zenna Schaffer

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

— John Perry Barlow

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

— Henny Youngman

My own verse is usually free verse. The freer the better.

— L. Ron Hubbard

I like the concept of wearing in instead of wearing out.

— Bill Moggridge

I assure you that the world is not so amusing as we imagined.

— Pierre Choderlos de Laclos

Anything that happens to you has some bearing upon what you write.

— John Dos Passos

Often, when people don't do so well in a monologue at UCB, it's because they're racking their brain so hard to be…

— Matt Besser

I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and…

— Will Rogers

Pata nhi kyu log meri itni respect krte h main jb unhe msg krti hun to wo apna sir neeche jhuka kr…

— Sadie

AKPOS Uploaded a Photo holding a Dog on Facebook.. Girl Commented: Which one is u?...AKPOS replied: The One holding you

— Olubayo Adebiyi

My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis, when she asked me what I was doing, apparently heating your dinner was…

— Uknown

They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you…

— Frankie Boyle

If I'm playing a bad guy, and I'm playing him evilly - I'm making him evil; I'm being evil because I want…

— Richard Jenkins

“I squared my shoulders, trying to ignore the fact that I was standing in the apartment of the sea witch, wearing a…

— Seanan McGuire

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

— Azgraybebly Joslan

Nothing is staged. And nothing is already there. Everything is transformed through the camera.

— Roger Ballen

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Congratulations on your new job that you probably won't like any better.

— Anonymous

Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again

— Ronald Reagan

It is better to be part of a great whole than to be the whole of a small part.

— Frederick Douglass

The soul is never less alone than when it is alone with God.

— Samuel Chadwick

Coming up with the answers quickly and accurately is what counts the most.

— Toru Kumon

How you gon play hard to GET...when you're already hard to WANT?

— Anonymous

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

— Rodney Dangerfield

A pekingeese is not a pet dog; he is an undersized lion.

— A. A. Milne

How do you know that God didn't speak to Charles Darwin?

— Jack Lemmon

Sluts should be called, Humpty Dumpty. First they get humped, then they get dumped..

— Anonymous

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost

— Hussein Nishah

Common sense is so rare it should be considered a superpower nowadays.

— Anonymous

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

— Rodney Dangerfield

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

— Mitch Hedberg

Incorrect documentation is often worse than no documentation.

— Bertrand Meyer

I have one of those open and shut marriages. My pants are always open and my wife's are always shut.

— Green Monk

The meaning of life can be revealed but never explained.

— Kenneth Rexroth

Most of the time, I only agree with you to shut you the fuck up.

— Nikhil Saluja

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when everyone is laughing their ass off& you don't know what's going on.

— Anonymous

Freedom is best, I tell thee true, of all things to be won.

— William Wallace