Funny Quotes · Page 736

Every dog has his day but the nights are reserved for the cats.

— Anonymous

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

— Nikhil Saluja

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

— Groucho Marx

When somebody tells me I cannot do something, that's when I do it,

— Gertrude Ederle

The sign of the people of bid’ah is that they do not follow the salaf.

— Ibn Taymiyyah

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: [to Nikki about Joe] Go help that thing find its shoes so we can get out of here.

— Madea

Always know you could be on the precipice of something great.

— Donald Trump

I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again.

— Milt Kamen

You can't teach a person to be funny unless you teach him how to swipe someone else's material. To be a success…

— Soupy Sales

My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it,…

— Kevin Hart

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To…

— Nikhil Saluja

Even for natives, French satire is rarely laugh-out-loud funny. Its unspoken punch line is typically that things have gone irrevocably wrong, and…

— Pamela Druckerman

I grew up in the age of radio where we just went wherever the jobs were available. The job doing afternoons at…

— Elvis Duran

If the physical thing you're doing is funny, you don't have to act funny while doing it...Just be real and it will…

— Gene Wilder

You try your hardest to raise your teenagers with patience, honesty and good manners, but they still end up being like you…

— Anonymous

She paints her nails and she don't know He's got her best friend on the phone She'll wash her hair, his dirty…

— American Hi Fi

Every time when I see a quote that relates to my situation I think, Thank God Im not the only one.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

There is nothing that says more about its creator than the work itself.

— Akira Kurosawa

I like hard movies; I like ones that are basically the opposite of a date movie.

— John Waters

Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny…

— Hannah Murray

I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade

— Russell Howard

Sometimes I wonder; how many other girls he is texting while he's texting me...

— Anonymous

Tell me how you measure me, and I will tell you how I will behave

— Eliyahu M. Goldratt

Every single one of us possesses the strength to attempt something he isn't sure he can accomplish.

— Scott Jurek

That moment of fear when you can't take a ring off your finger.

— Anonymous

The future will be owned and operated by the entrepreneurial ly minded.

— Mark Victor Hansen

Remember that whatever you do or wherever you are, you are never alone.

— Gordon B. Hinckley

'Baskets' is incredible - 'Baskets' is so funny and poignant and sad and dark.

— Thomas Middleditch

“Hojo-"You sound exactly like bandits, bossing me around." Bandits- "That's because we ARE bandits.”

— Rumiko Takahashi

Bf: babe I got u a present for your b day=) gf: awww really you didnt have too, wat is it? bf:jeremiha's…

— Brandon Marinez

If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fear is a sign-usually a sign that I'm doing something right.

— Erica Jong

Just take everything exactly as it is, put it in God's hands and leave it with Him.

— Edith Stein

When I was your age, I was sucking on lollipops N0T boys. .

— Anonymous

Let's protest Friendship Day by having hot, friendship-ending sex.

— Anonymous

Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point.

— Billy Graham

And no-one has ever questioned the courage of the Dwarves.

— Markus Heitz

You can always tell somebody's sense of humor by if they like this movie or not.

— Kurt Russell

You're rich according to what you are, not according to what you have!

— Jentezen Franklin

I am a complete sucker for funny films. There is something so therapeutic about laughing until you cry.

— Ashley Roberts