Funny Quotes · Page 735

If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

— Terry Venables

Gather the crumbs of happiness and they will make you a loaf of contentment.

— Anonymous

I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing

— Hussein Nishah

I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me…

— John Fugelsang

Congratulations on running a marathon without having to stop for a heart attack.

— Anonymous

Yelling doesn't get your point across, it only makes it louder.

— Grant Hill

Boy- *Texts sweet stuff.* Girl-You're so sweet! Girl- *Texts sweet stuff.* Boy- Ok.

— Anonymous

Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.

— Jerry Coleman

“give me your cell phone" "What for?" "So i could admire the fine technology a human woman can afford to buy." He…

— Jennifer Ashley

The worst question people can ask me is, 'How would I describe my brand of comedy?' I just go, 'Funny.' I like…

— Michelle Buteau

It's funny to look back - Tessa was seven and I was nine. I remember there wasn't a lot of talking at…

— Scott Moir

Dear Amber Hope,You're amazing, Funny, creative, and yet soooo pretty xD Don't let anyone I mean ANYONE tell you different! 'Cause they…

— Jasmine

You wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat…

— Anonymous

“Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and…

— Kendare Blake

“I don’t think I want to visit your house anymore.” “Sometimes neither do I.” “And your grandfather….” “Leave my Papaw alone.” “He’s…

— Nick Wilgus

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who werent smart enough to get…

— SangFroid Stalker

My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

— Chic Murray

If someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

— Anonymous

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.

— Anonymous

It's like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him.

— Noel Coward

A friend helps you up when you get knocked down, a true friend says "Stay down, I got this."

— Anonymous

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

— George Carlin

If you never try, then you'll never know just what you're worth.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I dwell on what I don't want, then I will get more of it. I affirm only the good in Life.

— Louise Hay

Football doesn’t define me. It’s what I do [and] how I carry out my faith.

— Troy Polamalu

The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man.

— Robertson Davies

Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.

— Sophocles

The only people who aren't going to be criticized are those who do absolutely nothing

— Lou Holtz

As a proof that we are regenerated, we must regenerate everything around us.

— Louis Claude de Saint-Martin

Our feelings about how we're feeling are notoriously unreliable.

— Ariel Garten

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Q: what did one saggy boob say to the other? A: perk up we are starting to look like nuts

— Unknow

I've never scored a goal in my life without getting a pass from someone else.

— Abby Wambach

If I could read a book, I'd definitely read one of yours.

— Paris Hilton

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

— Henny Youngman

L hate that feeling you get when you have an insanely good comeback .. but it's way after the argument.

— Anonymous

Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.

— Anonymous

It was the failures who had always won, but by the time they won they had come to be called successes.

— Loren Eiseley

Wait for the one you love. Not the one who found you first.

— Nikhil Saluja

But by the time that I had nothing left, I myself was the lightest thing of all for fate to get rid…

— Isak Dinesen