Funny Quotes · Page 738

For me, traveling and living are the same. How you travel is a symbol of your life.

— Diane von Furstenberg

Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.

— Dave Barry

Girls can be funny and play sports and show how to do the perfect soccer kick if they want.

— Eva Gutowski

I want to get back and figure out how we're going to make 'The Tonight Show' funny and good.

— Andy Richter

Music never goes away. It is always available, but we're not always available for music.

— Robert Fripp

Why do so many new brides get crow's feet as soon as they're married? From squinting and saying, Suck what?

— Green Monk

I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.

— Hussein Nishah

We must find out for ourselves, otherwise it wouldn't be discovery.

— Florida Scott-Maxwell

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one…

— Judith Viorst

Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, women - we're all trying to find our place in this world of cinema and television and theater. And…

— Sandra Bullock

Wouldn't it be great, if there was a one-stop shop where funny people could take their ideas and have them made?

— Lenny Henry

“So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?" "What?" "All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand…

— Tahereh Mafi

When someone shouts 'Skins' at you, its funny the first time. But after a hundred times, you think, 'I do have a…

— Kaya Scodelario

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man…

— Frank Carson

I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to…

— Ze Frank

I'd like to pretend that I've never seen anything, never read anything, never heard anything... and then make something...

— Keith Haring

You shouldn't have to leave your neighborhood to live in a better one,

— Majora Carter

She hadn't slain the dragon. Not at all. She hoped no one ever would.

— Meg Cabot

I had to be funny while hosting the countdown shows. That was my job.

— Sajid Khan

I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny…

— Lisa Lampanelli

“I’m pretty sure my stomach has a sliver in it from rubbing up against my backbone, so back off, bitch.”

— H.J. Bellus

Does anyone else have an Epileptic Goldfish? Do you find it's alright when you,put it back in it's bowl?

— Anonymous

There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily

— George Washington

Oh for a single hour of that Dundee Who on that day the word of onset gave!

— William Wordsworth

Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry.

— Cassandra Clare

Usually when we do something to corrupt our lives, it's usually something to fulfill an ache that we have...

— Rich Mullins

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine

— Hussein Nishah

*Browsing Facebook* *See's b*tchy status* 6O COMMENTS! *Gets popcorn*

— Anonymous

What more can life hold, than to know that because of your story, somebody out there has decided to read again!

— Caroline B. Cooney

Concentrate on doing what you do best, and let others do the rest.

— Robert Ringer

Concentrate your energy, your thoughts and your capital.

— Andrew Carnegie

I have never seen someone point after point that just gives it everything.

— John McEnroe

I want to take you home for Thanksgiving to meet the people who made me turn out this way.

— Anonymous

The picture you have in your mind of what you're about will come true.

— Bob Dylan

You just do what you love, and then a style happens later on.

— David LaChapelle

A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'

— Mike Birbiglia

My One leg is in Past, Another leg is in future and I'm peeing on the Present.. Lmao

— Vishak

I'm an Asian with a Southern accent. To a lot of people, that right there is funny.

— Henry Cho

“Any one could write a book," said the taxi driver. "Yes, they could, but they DON'T," said Maeve Binchy”

— Maeve Binchy

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

— Mitch Hedberg