Christmas is a time of year to sleep in, pig out, and get fat. Not to "bang everybody" — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. That solves that problem. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you'll be as right as rain come the weekend.” — Elizabeth C. Bunce Copy Share Image
You don't understand me and never will, so don't start that shit about knowing how I feel. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctors book. — Irish Proverb Copy Share Image
“Little James Herondale, age two, was in fact holding a dagger quite well. He stabbed it into a sofa cushion, sending out… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
If you're not going to give a smile, you can not, some lukewarm, if it is not possible to hear a joke!… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things… — Lauren Graham Copy Share Image
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I think it's fair to say most video games let players experience only eight emotions: anger, panic, dread, surprise, wonder, satisfaction, joy… — Scott Rogers Copy Share Image
It's really funny how I've come round to classical music around the back door with my banjo in my hand, and I… — Rhiannon Giddens Copy Share Image
I went to my son's graduation this weekend, and I heard a great quote I've never heard before from Albert Einstein. It… — Hamilton Jordan Copy Share Image
Good girls are made with sugar and spice... me? hell no! i am made of vodka and ice — Mercy Pheona Copy Share Image
It is right, therefore, that we not just be called Christians, but that we actually be Christians. — Ignatius of Antioch Copy Share Image
All of us perform better and more willingly when we know why we're doing what we have been told or asked to… — Zig Ziglar Copy Share Image
I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding. — Jacques Le Blanc Copy Share Image
I hate how when I read in my head I sound like a pro, but when I read out loud I sound… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net! — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry you're old enough to fear seeing Facebook photos of your friends in bathing suits. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We must learn to tell ourselves the truth on the basis of God’s Word. — Oswald Chambers Copy Share Image
I couldn't help noticing what a great tan and strong likelihood of skin cancer you have. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
On the maps provided by science, we find everything except ourselves. — Bryan Appleyard Copy Share Image
Mindfulness is life. Whenever we don’t have mindfulness, when we are heedless, it’s as if we are dead. — Ajahn Chah Copy Share Image
This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it. — Fred Thompson Copy Share Image
A bikini is like a barbedwire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view. — A Josland Copy Share Image
What God arranges for us to experience at each moment is the best and holiest thing that could happen to us. — Jean-Pierre de Caussade Copy Share Image
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
It is in the nature of foolish reasonings to seem good to the foolish reasoner. — George Eliot Copy Share Image
If you listen to your own voice, unknown friends will come and seek you. — Megan McDonald Copy Share Image
