I finally concluded that all failure was from a wobbling will rather than a wobbling wheel. — Frances E. Willard Copy Share Image
No man leaves where he is and seeks a distant place unless he is in some respect a failure. — James A. Michener Copy Share Image
After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter. — Arturo Toscanini Copy Share Image
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life. — Muhammad Ali Copy Share Image
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at school... — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it… — Jim Carrey Copy Share Image
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
To all the students who drop out and fail high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
That's the funny thing about time. It is only in looking back that it's easy to connect the dots. To see exactly… — Rebecca Serle Copy Share Image
I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses."… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and… — Jennifer Coolidge Copy Share Image
The 3 most difficult things to do in life. 1) Count your hair 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap 3)… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
As u grow older ur secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either — Alex Matshaba Copy Share Image
Men are like...Parking Spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are too small. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We all make mistakes. What makes me different is that I cry after every single one of them. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Cinema, for me, has always been something like music composed with photographic images. — Roger Ebert Copy Share Image
Roses are red,Violets are blue,I'm breaking up wit you ,Watcha gonna do? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people come into your life to make you fall in love with songs you had no idea existed — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
That awkward moment, when your class is so immature it could easily be mistaken for 3rd graders. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All the photographers were trying to just get me off, which was hilarious. But it was very, very amusing. — Bella Heathcote Copy Share Image
My 6-pack is very important to me, that's why I cover it with a layer of fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
But a funny thing happened four years later. I was invited to play for an alumni team against the Red Wings. — Ted Lindsay Copy Share Image
Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater. — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
You can make literally anything sound sexual just by whispering it. the dishes are dirty — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
“We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff.” — M. Beth Bloom Copy Share Image
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girls Search for Love and Shoes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
Yeah, it seems like it, right? It definitely was one of the best matches that I've played. — Petra Kvitova Copy Share Image
Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Go for broke with what you believe and what you think is funny and what you're good at. — Lennon Parham Copy Share Image
