“Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey” — Amunhotep El Bey Copy Share Image
Before most people start boasting about their family tree, they already have done a good pruning job. — Orlando Aloysius Battista Copy Share Image
My daughter said she's gonna be a hoe for Halloween. I think it's cute that she likes gardening. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am thankful to all of you who said no, its because of you, that I did it myself... — Live_Skate_Smoke Copy Share Image
I looooooooooooooove looooooooooooooooooooooooong romantic walks to the fridge;) — Mikayla Shwietzer Copy Share Image
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: Gently aging, but still a warmand desirable place to visit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fret not over the irretrievable, but ever act as if thy life were just begun. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on. — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
“So what can I really do? If you can jump through a two-story window, then what can I do?" "You can do… — Courtney Allison Moulton Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you are at a red light and you look over to see the person next to you and… — Mini-Mac Copy Share Image
“So you're here by yourself?" “Yes." “Seems like an odd place to come by yourself." “I needed to get away." “Woman trouble?… — David Gilmour Copy Share Image
Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!"… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“You know, it’s crazy what a little perspective can do to your life. For example…cotton candy is not as great as everyone… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
I think disability is the last bastion of political correctness, and people need to see that disabled people are funny. You know,… — Liz Carr Copy Share Image
Son: Dad, What's Between Mom's Legs ? Dad: Paradise. Son: What's Between Your Legs ? Dad: The Key For Paradise. Son: Piece… — Ali Bassam Copy Share Image
I know the place. It is true. Everything we do Corrects the space Between death and me And you. — Harold Pinter Copy Share Image
I'm not really a comedian, innit; I just naturally say things which people class as funny. — Big Narstie Copy Share Image
Lolz I'm gonna say that next time I'm wearing a dress and someone asks me that lol — Brittany Copy Share Image
Evan Price is not a man to be questioned. He is a man who will question you. — Hugh Howey Copy Share Image
My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. — Angie Dickinson Copy Share Image
I do not like abortions. I will do everything in my power to restrict abortion. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated.” — Elizabeth Cruickshank Copy Share Image
I'm very lighthearted, outgoing, friendly, and funny, so I like to try new things. — Chandler Parsons Copy Share Image
The people have the power. All we have to do is awaken the power in the people. — John Lennon Copy Share Image
The traffic began crawling now- but it was a progress even a snail would have been ashamed to claim. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I do not think discursively. It is not so much that I arrive at truth as that I take my start from… — Nikolai Berdyaev Copy Share Image
When I'm bored, nobody texts me. When I'm busy, BAM! I'm the most popular kid on the plane — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich. — Dara O Briain Copy Share Image
Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're...you're...booty call! — Mustache Man Copy Share Image
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mom: Come here! Me: No. Mom: 1... Me: Haha counting won't work. Mom: 2... Me: Holy duck, I AM COMING! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
