I did it on my bed.. I did it on the couch.. I did it in the car... Texting is such an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thunderstick?... You actually said, 'Thunderstick?'... That, my friend is a Winchester 30.06. — Gary Larson Copy Share Image
You're not RESPONSIBLE for somebody else's happiness. You're responsible for your own HAPPINESS. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It wasn't that funny, but I laughed. There wouldn't be much laughter in the world if people didn't like each other, because… — John Barnes Copy Share Image
I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate… — Beth Ditto Copy Share Image
“I launched into my speech, it took me a few seconds to realize that the only one listening was max (the dog)… — Sammi Carter Copy Share Image
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty… — Michael Jordan Copy Share Image
You know, it's funny... when you're making money, people don't think you're playing jazz. Now when you're not making money, people think… — Pete Fountain Copy Share Image
I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
History is sinking and only a very few seem dimly aware that things are getting bad. — Bret Easton Ellis Copy Share Image
“Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.” — T.J. Klune Copy Share Image
“I had a dream that I was in someone else’s shoes for once…they were the wrong size.” — Starley Ard Copy Share Image
If you start taking yourself more seriously than you do God then there's a problem. — Justin Bieber Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't mind being the funny character rather than the glamorous one, although I'm happy to do both. — Alyson Hannigan Copy Share Image
Dear Optimist, That's Not A Light At The End Of The Tunnel, But A Train! Sincerely, Pessimist — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way. — Michael Buble Copy Share Image
The more make up a woman wears the more she's tryin to hide. Make up can hide a lot of evil. — Phil Robertson Copy Share Image
“Men are funny characters, they must always have something to bemuse them.” — Henrik Ibsen Copy Share Image
The greatest service you can render someone else is helping him help himself. — Baltasar Gracian Copy Share Image
A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk. — Cynthia Heimel Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
