Funny Quotes · Page 673

At night I can't sleep. In the morning I can't wake up :D

— Sandeep Shergill

Whatever you are looking for can only be found inside of you.

— Rumi

Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong.

— Anonymous

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

— Jerry Seinfeld

I cant wait to start yoga - I've never done yoga before so that should be really funny.

— Bez

I can’t make the Bible come alive for anyone. The Bible is already alive. It makes me come alive.

— R. C. Sproul

You can sum up this sport boxing in two words: You never know.

— Lou Duva

There's some things you can cover up. And there's some things you can't.

— Ray Lewis

There are so many funny people and so many talented people, but the one thing nobody else has is my take on…

— Ross Mathews

I make up random funny weird quotes but they are allways duplicates in some way wtf... thumbs up if it happens to…

— Drew Fonner

“He's all right. His hair is cute." Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in…

— MaryJanice Davidson

“I’m just glad you didn’t die while we were gone,” Brent said. “He’d be so pissed. And you know, you’d be dead.…

— Bree Despain

And it is only the woman who cheers her husband through lifes thick and thin, good and bad situations and stands firmly…

— Mak_786

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet.…

— George Carlin

I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much…

— Demetri Martin

I never had money for anything. But I tell you what did really work - books. Between the covers of those books…

— Benjamin Carson

Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.

— Jerry Coleman

I don't want to be better than you or her or him - I want to be better than I am right…

— Kerri Walsh

Maybe a romantic getaway will solve your crippling fear of intimacy.

— Anonymous

The essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn.

— Esther Hicks

I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds.

— Christopher Walken

Each time that you don't know you are choosing, then of those choices you are not the chooser.

— Guy Finley

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.”

— Will Rogers

The things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist.

— Ernest Hemingway

“No really, I'm a werewolf and you're a human, which essentially translates into a steak with legs.”

— Quinn Loftis

[when I'm not working I like to] listen to music, watch something really funny like South Park.

— Queen Latifah

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

You either have to be great or you have to be bad to get a good pick.

— Magic Johnson

“You look like a hot tamale.” “That’s not really a compliment.”

— Simone Elkeles

“If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried”

— josh stern

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.

— Unkown

That's crudely put, but If we're not supposed to dance, Why all this music?

— Gregory Orr

Laughing is the best medicine. But laughing for no reason, you need medicine

— Anonymous

When a woman gives birth her waters break and she pours out the child and the child runs free.

— Jeanette Winterson

Hun, You might not wanna stand that close to the heater, Plastic melts.

— Anonymous

It's funny, in literature no one ever goes to the lavatory.

— Tom Baker

Sign on a frozen-food counter: Best meals you ever thaw.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every 6 seconds somewhere a woman is sexually unfulfilled. Every 5 seconds somewhere a man knows it too.

— Green Monk

Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting pussy...

— Kevin McCarty

BLOODY HELL FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMNIT I RIPPED MY KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON POSTER!

— Nikhil Saluja