You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Men look at women's behinds and go: what an ass! Women look at men faces and go: what an ass! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself...and spiders. Fuck spiders. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When, at the age of seven, he blew up the family truck by dropping a match down the gas tank, we should… — Larry Speakes Copy Share Image
Throughout the history of commercial life nobody has ever quite liked the commission man. His function is too vague, his presence always… — Raymond Chandler Copy Share Image
Guy: Hey... listen, I know you're probably pissed at me... Woman: It happend. You chose her. Obviously the wrong choice, but... you're… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Improv is always seen as something that's funny, but worth a $5 ticket, $10 at most. I think ISC is one of… — Thomas Middleditch Copy Share Image
I remember trying to be funny, and both of my parents were terribly funny. My father was also very dignified, but my… — Jack Lemmon Copy Share Image
Fact 1: You can not touch your both lips with your tongue Fact 2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it Happy 1st April — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think, on the rap side of life, I've always been inspired by and respected Missy Elliott for a long time. She's… — K. Flay Copy Share Image
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have. — Gretchen Rubin Copy Share Image
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
A leader has to keep saying the same things over and over again. — Drew Gilpin Faust Copy Share Image
A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whatever you've learned becomes truly useful to you only once it has become second nature. — Guthrie Govan Copy Share Image
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Simply put, the promises of God are not automatic; they must be acquired by faith. — John Bevere Copy Share Image
Word of Advice: If a cop pulls you over and says, 'You drinking?' Never respond with, 'You buying?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Sid slapped her hands on the bar. “Good Lord, woman, unclench your sphincter and have another drink.” — Terri Osburn Copy Share Image
The storyboard for me is the way to visualise the entire movie in advance, — Martin Scorsese Copy Share Image
We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives. — Rick Warren Copy Share Image
You text me, I respond in 15 seconds, then apparently you die of excitement and no reply — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy? — Hannah Harrington Copy Share Image
Nothing can resist the will of man when he knows what is true and wills what is good. — Eliphas Levi Copy Share Image
It's far too late for anything but magick, as the future is clearly up for grabs. — Antero Alli Copy Share Image
