Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A #GIRLBOSS is in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it. — Sophia Amoruso Copy Share Image
I like really bad puns - proper, red-top, nasty puns - I find them funny. — Johnny Flynn Copy Share Image
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress. — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age. — William D Tammeus Copy Share Image
The metaphor is~ an origin, the origin of an image which acts directly, immediately. — Gaston Bachelard Copy Share Image
“Unrequited love sucks. It should be against the law.” She brightened. “If it was, then I could have Rick arrest me. I’d… — Carla Cassidy Copy Share Image
As a child, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be... Turns out the police class this as… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the passing, we… — Knut Hamsun Copy Share Image
“I wasn't very good at the bike thing. Really, it was just dangerous to trust two skinny little wheels and spindly brakes… — Kathryn Smith Copy Share Image
“Monster a person though monster not human. Monster like music. Like Beatles! Like Schumann! World full of stupid. World full of noise.… — Jennifer Finney Boylan Copy Share Image
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a… — Jerry Dennis Copy Share Image
When I started acting, doing theater stuff at a young age, I was always the comic relief-type roles, so I knew I… — Kenan Thompson Copy Share Image
When something I can't control happens, I ask myself : where is the hidden gift, where is the positive in this? — Sara Blakely Copy Share Image
Tip 1: Before you kiss her on her door-step, make sure her dad isn't watching so he cant kill you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not funny ha-ha, but I look for real humour in just about everything I've ever played. — William Fichtner Copy Share Image
There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I don't spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny. — Tahar Rahim Copy Share Image
Genius do what it must,talent do what it can,and I do what I get paid for!!!!! — Ella B Copy Share Image
It is not the irregular hours or irregular diet that makes the romantic life. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
The accents are really really funny. I think I could convince somebody I was from New Zealand. — Carter Jenkins Copy Share Image
Memory is a crazy woman who hoards colored rags and throws away food. — Austin O'Malley Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're mad at someone, and then they make you laugh!.. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Mardi Gras, baby. Mardi Gras. Time when all manner of weird shit cuts loose and parties down.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
Don’t wear what you question, wear what you think is right for you. — Karl Lagerfeld Copy Share Image
The willow which bends to the tempest often escapes better than the oak which resists it. — Walter Scott Copy Share Image
