I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm a virgin. I go to school. And my mother is not yet satisfied.lol — Christian Heggs Copy Share Image
Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room...sex-ed is so advanced now, they also give homework. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The truth of Scripture is meant not only to be studied-it’s meant also to be sung. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
Ever see a guy with cerebral palsy run through a speed ladder? I mean, that is funny. — Josh Blue Copy Share Image
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I just had a mirror put over my… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'll do a joke on purpose that really doesn't work just to show that that's funny. — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
I'm like a book you have to read. A book can't read itself to you. It doesn't even know what it's about.… — Christopher Isherwood Copy Share Image
“Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow… — Dalia Sofer Copy Share Image
People be famous for everything other than music and that's what they really trying to do. But they don't know once you… — Blueface Copy Share Image
I think that all those women that I look up to so much just ground their comedy in realism and don't try… — Molly Gordon Copy Share Image
What amazes me with 'Will & Grace' fans is how young they are and how straight they are. The guys always come… — Leslie Jordan Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'm just a sorry away from you. You can simply apologize and hold paitence meanwhile it gets me some time to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean,… — Tucker Max Copy Share Image
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The criminals will be humiliated... To hurt the enemy more, raise the level of your attacks. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? — Margaret Smith Copy Share Image
I was six foot one inch when I started fighting, but with all the uppercuts I'm up to six foot five inches. — Chuck Wepner Copy Share Image
Dear Ex… I'd Love Yew More Then Yew Need… But … Now,I Hate Yew More Then Yew Deserve… This Iz Called Equality… — Hem Tenzin Copy Share Image
Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place. — Peter Ustinov Copy Share Image
Looking for the good in everything is equally as misguided as looking for the bad in everything. — Joseph Curiale Copy Share Image
Liberace was Elton John and Lady Gaga before they even dreamed of it. — Jerry Weintraub Copy Share Image
Stop rationalizing, stop stewing. Get up out of your chair and start doing. — Denis Waitley Copy Share Image
You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
They only live, who live for others, the rest are more dead than alive. — Swami Vivekananda Copy Share Image
The Shortest Solution Of Every Problem Is To Minimize The Distance Between Your Knee And Floor. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Oh you got Swag? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every once in a while, a cookbook comes along that simply knocks me out. — Ina Garten Copy Share Image
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
