Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until its over. — Nicole Holofcener Copy Share Image
A girl leaves you breathless after sex. The woman leaves you in a coma. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Where is the money going to come from? From wherever it is at the moment. — Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Copy Share Image
Sorry the guy you spent so much time pretending to like lost the election. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I miss being able to wake up when I want and go on stage when I want and pull down my pants… — Mark Wahlberg Copy Share Image
Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Just to talk in front of people is scary. And now you gotta learn how to be funny, and now you gotta… — Jo Koy Copy Share Image
“My mom's a mad scientist. It's a lot like being a regular scientist, except without worrying about legal or moral limitations, and… — Chelsea Campbell Copy Share Image
“Rumo!" said Rumo. "That's right!" Smyke exclaimed. "You Rumo, me Smyke." "You Rumo, me Smyke." Rumo repeated eagerly. "No, no." Smyke chuckled.” — Walter Moers Copy Share Image
Shakespeare - it's not funny. No matter how they try to make Shakespeare funny, when it's meant to be funny it's not… — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
When you have an entire amphitheatre of people laughing that way, it makes you feel so funny and it frees you to… — Kelly Ripa Copy Share Image
When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting… — Danny Kaye Copy Share Image
I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
*Every Morning* Me: I'm sorry but I really can't stay. Bed: But baby it's so cold outside... — Lamartimothy Copy Share Image
It's scary that 50% of all marriages end in divorce...it's even scarier that the other 50% last forever. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Shout out to all the people born in 1928 celebrating their 21st birthday! Happy Leap Day! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“But then again, I shouldn't judge. That is, after all, my pet peeve.” — Katie McGarry Copy Share Image
Good girls wear white cotton panties Bad girls don't wear any Naughty girls don't really give a shit — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I want to try and get 5,000 soon,so I am gonna try and do the shoutouts on the walls like we used… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My penis is an awkward leprechaun that had not gotten lucky nearly as much as it had gotten bored. — Andrea Gibson Copy Share Image
Nothing's unstoppable, accept for me when I'm stopping you from telling me something's stoppable! — Po Copy Share Image
As pointed out in a followup, Real Perl Programmers prefer things to be visually distinct. — Larry Wall Copy Share Image
If the last page of your notebook is blank, you surely lack of creativity. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I changed my car horn sound to gun shots, people move out of the way much faster now. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Mobile Texting With 3% Battery Is A Lot Like The Band Playing While Titanic Sank...:) — Rock4u Copy Share Image
It's not like every male comic you meet is funny. Like, a lot of them are not funny. — Erik Griffin Copy Share Image
You know, 'Jake 2.0' had some funny things in it; I mean, I needed my sense of humor to do that part. — Christopher Gorham Copy Share Image
