Most people named Willie are either in prison or on the armwrestling circuit. — Jase Robertson Copy Share Image
When I was young I was afraid of dark, Now when I get my electricity bill I'm afraid of light. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men are like...Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've never done anything comedic. In all the years I've been an actor, I've never delivered one comedic line. — James D'arcy Copy Share Image
Ah, to build, to build! That is the noblest of all the arts. — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Copy Share Image
“Same as you, Arthur. I hitched a ride. After all, with a degree in maths and another in astrophysics it was either… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
A lot of being a woman in this business is about how you look... That's not why we're even in this business;… — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm a Twitter addict. Jose Andres is a serial tweeter. It's funny to see which chefs have embraced it, and the different… — Anthony Bourdain Copy Share Image
You can tell yourself that God's not fair, or you can thank Him that He's not fair. If God was fair, we… — Paul David Tripp Copy Share Image
I think with Sky and BBC Three and Channel 4, there are some great television platforms, and the stand-up movement in this… — Brendan Coyle Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
I get upset when someone accepts my invitation to connect on LinkedIn. How dare you took a long time to accept an… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do not touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, it's not a wePhone, it's not an ourPhone. It's an iPhone. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Our goal is to work against things we have not seen that we will see in the near future. — Nick Saban Copy Share Image
In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old. — Jerry Sloan Copy Share Image
“I know this is war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.” — Kristin Cashore Copy Share Image
With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing. — Keisha Buchanan Copy Share Image
When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' — Susan Sarandon Copy Share Image
Nobody else can be alive for you; nor can you be alive for anybody else. — e. e. cummings Copy Share Image
Yes, my friend, and if you will steal for me then you will steal from me. — Theodore Roosevelt Copy Share Image
People with virtue must speak out; People who speak are not all virtuous. — Confucius Copy Share Image
2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I'm sober. Sober people, when I'm drunk. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Volleyball anchored me at a time in my life when I needed it. It gave me a reason for being this big,… — Gabrielle Reece Copy Share Image
Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs. — Tim McCarver Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. — Zora Neale Hurston Copy Share Image
Dive headfirst into things without being too attached to the results — Sophia Amoruso Copy Share Image
Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit. — Bobcat Goldthwait Copy Share Image
Love perhaps includes the promise that when the mob comes for you I'll go against the mob. — Teju Cole Copy Share Image
I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door. — Cher Copy Share Image
