You don't realize how inappropriate your favorite TV show is until your Mom walks in the room — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“I don't believe in God, I only believe in Al Pacino, and that's the truth.” — Javier Bardem Copy Share Image
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
If I want to act relaxed, it's going to take all my cunning, skill, and concentration. — David Mitchell Copy Share Image
If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths? — Dara O Briain Copy Share Image
If I were to read about me purely on Twitter, I wouldn’t know what to make of me. — Jeremy Scahill Copy Share Image
I'm not your second choice neither your backup plan. So don't text me when you're bored. — Amarjeet Das Copy Share Image
It's funny, because it's always been a dream of mine to play in the NFL, but I was concerned about the games… — Philip Rivers Copy Share Image
“There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off. "What is it with that… — Greg Farshtey Copy Share Image
That awarked moement when you see your class mate at the store, and you both act like you dont even know each… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I am glad to have you march under my banner, glad of your loyalty, grateful for you honour.' His gaze goes to… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Bug spray.” Mosquitoes never bother me, but apparently they eat Tucker alive if he forgets bug spray. So I wear it for… — Cynthia Hand Copy Share Image
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I… — Yogi Berra Copy Share Image
“Apollo watched me closely, intently. “No.” My eyes narrowed. “No to what?” “I’m not sending you after them. Not yet,” he said,… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“I was surprised he didn't just spit the nails into the wood like Popeye the Sailor Man.” — Josh Lanyon Copy Share Image
They say smile is the secret to stay young and cute... hHmMm.. hey? whats that smile f0r?.. :) — Megz Copy Share Image
A girl who loves you for who you are is priceless. for all other girls, there is master card! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You know, funny is this weird word for me. I hear is so many times it has no meaning anymore. — Bruce McCulloch Copy Share Image
If sharks really can smell blood, then Id imagine theyre all salivating over my erection right now — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. — Christopher Hampton Copy Share Image
You can take the woman outta the trash, but you can't take the trash out a the woman. — Charles de Lint Copy Share Image
Janetty tried to dive through the window to escape, what an act of cowardice. — Bobby Heenan Copy Share Image
If u smile when things go wrong its because you already found someone to blame it on — 13 Yearold Copy Share Image
Choosing is existence. To the extent that you don't choose, you don't exist, — John Barth Copy Share Image
Why was it that they could never shout like that about something that mattered? — George Orwell Copy Share Image
Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
What's the trick to writing a genuinely funny comedy? The trick is therapy. Take notes. — Lake Bell Copy Share Image
Weirdly, for someone who wanted to be funny, I didn't like a lot of attention. — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm excited there's a 1 in 176 million chance I don't have to go to work on Monday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your business is not on the Internet, then your business will be out of business. — Bill Gates Copy Share Image
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
