Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!' — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. — Tom Hanks Copy Share Image
As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. — Ron White Copy Share Image
I'll do my homework in 5 mins, In 10 mins, In 30 mins, In 1 hour, FUCK, I'll just do it tomorrow.. — Crystal Jones Copy Share Image
School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know… — J. K. Rowling Copy Share Image
Apparently kicking my friend in the chest & yelling THIS IS SPARTA! is not an appropriate response to what do you feel… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America,… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“He started down the staircase, but stopped a few steps down. He turned to me and said, "I must tell you again,… — August Westman Copy Share Image
“We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
Its funny. you dump me for her, and when she doesnt want you or a any other girls u come crying back… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's not that music is too imprecise for words, but too precise… — Felix Mendelssohn Copy Share Image
Clapping the longest during the assembly because you're a fearless bastard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One can't indefinitely do for somebody what he is reluctant to do for himself. — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age. — Voltaire Copy Share Image
Just remember, I can always make your death look like an accident. :) — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Let's discuss where to put a beach chair instead of where to put a mosque. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is the English-speaking nations who, almost alone, keep alight the torch of Freedom. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
You touch things lightly or deeply; you move along because life herself moves, and you can’t stop it. — Jim Harrison Copy Share Image
“Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I don't know if I should thank you or whoever made you such a nice person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its funny how far you will go to be there for a friend, but when it comes to you, they're not there — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Stalin didn't write any memoirs. He was too secretive. He was afraid people might read them. — Jonathan Lynn Copy Share Image
The road by precepts is tedious, by example, short and efficacious. — Seneca the Younger Copy Share Image
