A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Read the Word. Consume the Word until it consumes you. Believe the Word. Act on the Word. — Smith Wigglesworth Copy Share Image
Thus I got into my bones the essential structure of the ordinary British sentence, which is a noble thing. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
There can be no doubt that all our knowledge begins with experience. — Immanuel Kant Copy Share Image
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Wen you're a married man, Samivel, you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now; but vether it's worth while… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“I’m sick of them. I never want to see them again. Except Aros; he smells nice. And Rome; because he’s so strong… — Jaymin Eve Copy Share Image
That Awkward Moment When Your At Church in Front Of Everyone And Your 5 Year Old Cousin Slaps Your butt, Laughs, Than… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Commissioners are obsessed with young people, which is funny because they don't watch telly - only old people do. — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
What you don't think when you sit down to write a show is, 'How can I be shocking?' That question isn't interesting,… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
“The rare derpicus man is know to live near the himalayas, in a cave made purely of dead weevils. His native tounge… — Medic Copy Share Image
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God…I could be… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“First time fucking driving and I fucking crash,” I muttered. "Good thing is, it’s a minor dent,” piped the helpful back seat,… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
All artists are constantly looking for something and they don't always know what. — Jacob Lawrence Copy Share Image
“I’m waiting with baited breath to hear that silver tongue of yours.” — Jodie B. Cooper Copy Share Image
Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. But that's ok, because you can't afford it anyway!.. — Jim Davis Copy Share Image
Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for their love, so I think you can at least answer my text message. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It was not my class of people. There was not a producer, a press agent, a director, an actor. — Zsa Zsa Gabor Copy Share Image
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
It is possible to have good manners and be funny at the same time. Ronnie Barker and I proved that. — Ronnie Corbett Copy Share Image
TM in the a.m. and the p.m…20 minutes in the bank, all day in the market place. — Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Copy Share Image
Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver. — H. Jackson Brown, Jr Copy Share Image
You know nothing for sure...except the fact that you know nothing for sure. — John F. Kennedy Copy Share Image
Those memories that you randomly remember and suddenly can't stop smiling. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Remember kids, if someone gives you drugs, say thank you because drugs are expensive. — Risa Schizophrenia Copy Share Image
I used to go in for Disney auditions, and they'd tell me, 'You're cute and nice but just not funny.' — Gattlin Griffith Copy Share Image
I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up, after I finish laughing. — Cherrymae Esdrelon Copy Share Image
Nature has neither core nor skin: she’s both at once outside and in. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as… — Gavin McInnes Copy Share Image
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours and cry. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
