I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything." — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind-- They don't blame you--as long as you're funny! — W. S. Gilbert Copy Share Image
I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays. — Steve Wozniak Copy Share Image
Funny is when someone talking bad about your style and few days after, they just copy your style! — Angela Jennifer Aroemrasni Copy Share Image
“Just so you know, I get incredibly bored quite easily and you will be forced to be my source of entertainment. You'll… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“ It’s a long shot, but this baby is pretty cool.” He pushed the button that brought up the menu. “I need… — Sophie Oak Copy Share Image
“Their lips met in a slow, languid kiss. Salt from her tears mixed with her natural sweetness. She wrapped her arms around… — J. Rose Black Copy Share Image
It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
“What are we talking about again?” he asks. I say science at the same time that he says love, and we both… — Nicola Yoon Copy Share Image
I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
The hardest part of your divorce will be finding an attractive recent picture of yourself to upload on a dating site. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's something outrageously funny about the bold-faced lying that's going on, in a general way. Just the blatant denial of facts, whether… — Matt Walsh Copy Share Image
“He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother?” — Johanna Lindsey Copy Share Image
Best merchants are the ones who dictate cool, not those who try to predict it! — Kevin Plank Copy Share Image
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Time will explain it all. He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. — Euripides Copy Share Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, Is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
All exercises that you do with your own bodyweight are great. — Arnold Schwarzenegger Copy Share Image
Strange about learning; the farther I go the more I see that I never knew even existed. — Daniel Keyes Copy Share Image
“Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
It is harmful to compare yourself to others. Others will do that for you. — John Wooden Copy Share Image
If Damon Wayans is not breaking, it's a miracle. He is so funny that he makes everyone die laughing. — Casey Wilson Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I used to pretend wafer sticks were cigarettes... I was just that badass — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The craft of the merchant is this bringing a thing where it abounds to where it is costly. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
Withdraw to the untroubled quietude deep within the soul, and refresh yourself. — Marcus Aurelius Copy Share Image
A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're twenty minutes. — Billy Wilder Copy Share Image
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
