If you're funny as a woman, people think it might be because someone else helped you. — Alice Lowe Copy Share Image
My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian. — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
I am a showman by profession... and all the gilding shall make nothing else of me. — P. T. Barnum Copy Share Image
A couple from Sydney or Melbourne might leave on the same day for their holiday: the wife might go sun-bathing at Surfers… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“It was like my uterus was tapping out a happy dance on the rest of my organs. God, I was dying the… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
“She swallowed nervously, blinking. “Are you… proposing to me?” I laughed, shaking my head. “No, darling. It’s better than a marriage proposal.”… — Dari A. Malaunt Copy Share Image
“Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone." "If… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Magic is never totally scientifically explainable, but science has always been, at one time or another, considered magic. — Anton Szandor LaVey Copy Share Image
“All trademarks, company names, registered names, products, characters, mottos, logos, jingles and catchphrases used or cited in this work are the property… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
You cannot experience yourself as what you are until you've encountered what you are not — Neale Donald Walsch Copy Share Image
If I followed you back after 15 minutes of following me, I was just pretending to be busy & I failed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nobody will keep the thing he hears to himself, and nobody will repeat just what he hears and no more. — Seneca the Younger Copy Share Image
What know we of the Blest above but that they sing, and that they love? — William Wordsworth Copy Share Image
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
My swimsuit told me to go to the gym. But my sweatpants were like, Nah girl, you're good. — Emaliebaby Copy Share Image
The beauties of conception are always superior to those of expression. — Walter J. Phillips Copy Share Image
'I have enough clothes and shoes I never need to go shopping again...' Said no girl ever. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The people don't take baths and they don't speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it? — Jim McMahon Copy Share Image
I'm glad the slower summer pace at work gives us more time to complain about work — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Playing poker in their Quonset hut on Tinian, killing the last hours of the preatomic age. — Peter Goldman Copy Share Image
It is the focus on the highest ideal day after day that saves life from being wrapped up in small whirlwinds. — Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Copy Share Image
Dreadful experiences raise the question whether he who experiences them, is not something dreadful also. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
Eliminate the Diaspora, or the Diaspora will surely eliminate you. — Ze'ev Jabotinsky Copy Share Image
