Funny Quotes · Page 488

My breasts have a life of their own.

— Jennifer Lawrence

Alesi is in second place, and Hill is in second place.

— Murray Walker

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

— Jack Benny

Davis fouls out to third in fair territory.

— Jerry Coleman

The nature of bad news affects the teller.

— William Shakespeare

Funny How You Can Talk Shit But, You Cant Back It Up.

— Tahtiiee Anc Beybehh

No reason is the most fucking good reason.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never let any obstacle stop you,

— Ruth Gruber

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

— Gilbert Gottfried

Genius takes time, but stupidity can be achieved in a heart beat, and usually is.

— Anonymous

I accidentally messed up my life how do I start a new account

— Aditya Shah

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

— Groucho Marx

You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup.

— Arjuna Ranatunga

I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

— Nikhil Saluja

I have spent most of my life unlearning things that were proved not to be true

— R. Buckminster Fuller

Research tells us that fourteen out of any ten individuals like chocolate.

— Sandra Boynton

With kids, I have less time for things like masks - though I do try to treat myself, after they've gone to…

— Doutzen Kroes

God stands ready to allocate his power to all who are radically dependent on Him and radically devoted to making much of…

— David Platt

“Go out with me tomorow night," Perry went on. "Let me prove to you that I'm the guy you want." "I...I guess…

— C.C. Hunter

Wealth and rank are what people desire, but unless they are obtained in the right way they may not be possessed.

— Confucius

“...in the unique case of a country’s geographic position, it is difficult to consider this factor as anything other than a cause,…

— Geert Hofstede

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion,…

— George Carlin

“Story Content Warning: There will be angst, sex, a little rough language and rampant lesbianism. If this is not your cup of…

— BadSquirrel

I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators...All I wanted was to complete the circle…

— Green Monk

Love, love will tear us apart, again.

— Ian Curtis

Happiness never decreased by being shared.

— Gautama Buddha

Power kills, absolute power kills absolutely.

— Rudolph Rummel

I'm lucky: I have very funny kids.

— Matt Lauer

Your fragility is also your strength.

— Pina Bausch

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

— Alfred Lord Tennyson

I'm a funny guy. You've got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once.

— Jon Pardi

In order to be happy you need a good dog, a good woman, and ready money.

— Benjamin Franklin

I'm drawn to failure. I feel that I'm contending with it constantly in my own life.

— Joyce Carol Oates

Dogs who chase cars evidently see them as large, unruly ungulates badly in need of discipline and shepherding.

— Elizabeth Marshall Thomas

I just want someone to love me as much as I love my cat.

— Anonymous

The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures.

— Samuel Goldwyn

I went to college at the University of Kansas, where I got a degree in political science.

— Sara Paretsky

People are funny you don't even know about the shit that I been through. ~~~

— Anonymous

LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'd temporarily deactivate my dating site profile for you.

— Anonymous