You know you're living right when you wake up, brush your hair - and confetti falls out! — Katy Perry Copy Share Image
I'm afraid everything I was is gone and all that's left is everything I'm not. — Courtney Summers Copy Share Image
You know when you have that one crazy funny friend that always make you question 'what is wrong with you?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Some smoke after sex. Some sleep after sex. Others just cuddle. I remove traces of my DNA. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense — Lucille Clifton Copy Share Image
Not every man who courts you, loves you. Some are just testing your stupidity! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I see no reason to suppose these machines will ever force themselves into general use. — Duke of Wellington Copy Share Image
What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit… — Robert Schimmel Copy Share Image
“Hackers are nerdy, pasty, tubby, little geeks with triple thick glasses and this is probably a demented otaku with smelly feet. So… — Keiko Nobumoto Copy Share Image
“I will receive it sir with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use, 'tis for the head. OSRIC… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. Because that's the maximum amount of time you can… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Atoms are round balls of wood invented by Dr. Dalton. (Answer given by a pupil to a question on atomic theory, as… — Henry Enfield Roscoe Copy Share Image
What's funny about the slacker thing, people project an image of what they think a musician is: young, slack, unemployed - like… — Courtney Barnett Copy Share Image
“Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do,"… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but has the incredible skill to make everyone… — Tom Conti Copy Share Image
