Funny Quotes · Page 342

There's nothing good about being my age.

— Judi Dench

Things don't just happen; things happen just.

— Jim Rohn

As you transform yourself, you transform the world.

— Anodea Judith

Politics is who gets what, when, how.

— Harold Lasswell

It is said that gifts persuade even the gods.

— Euripides

No one goes through life with a whole heart.

— Nalini Singh

Time to eliminate things that no longer evolve me.

— Erykah Badu

You can't stand around and wait to be asked to dance.

— Amy Poehler

Before you can control conditions, you must first control yourself.

— Napoleon Hill

Pray steal me not, I'm Mrs. Dingley's, Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies.

— Jonathan Swift

I never see a tombstone that said, died from not forwarding to ten people

— Anonymous

You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.

— John Green

If you aren't living your dreams then you're living your fears.

— Daymond John

What attracts people most, it would appear, is other people.

— William H. Whyte

“Isn’t he cute? That he thinks he has a sense of humour?”

— Robyn Carr

One time, Bert and I were making out for so long it wasn't even funny..But then it was funny.

— Gerard Way

Criticism is a funny thing, because I think if you want to be something, create something or make a difference in any…

— Mike Ashley

I definitely spent a lot of high school isolating myself because I didn't feel like I fit in. I learned how to…

— King Princess

Some guys may play around and say a couple of things, but if I say it, I mean it. I may laugh,…

— Deontay Wilder

I'm not a quick wit. I'm only funny on paper. I mean, I'm not totally humorless! It's just that in person, I'm…

— Mary Roach

“Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of…

— Adam Rex

My derring-do allows me to dance the rigadoon around you but by the time I'm close to you I lose my desideratum.

— Fiona Apple

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary…

— Mark Twain

Ricky Frierson Im sick and tired of this shit. Im almost 30 and the only job I can get is as a…

— OODicknug

perfidious society masturbators

— Thomas Bernhard

Where there is peace, God is.

— George Herbert

Who, or why, or which, or what, Is the Akhond of Swat?

— Edward Lear

Take as a gift whatever the day brings forth...

— Horace

Retirement: statutory senility.

— Emmett O'Donnell Jr

It's a lot of work to read a crummy script.

— Bill Murray

How tf did you upload this from an air freshener?

— Katie Grabil

The future is hidden even from those who make it.

— Anatole France

I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.

— Florence Henderson

I was never one to seek out the spotlight.

— Angela Cartwright

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

— Victor Borge

Most of us don't know about happiness until it's over.

— Claudette Colbert

Truth has beauty, power, and necessity.

— Sylvia Townsend Warner

You never know how far you can go unless you run.

— Anonymous

Those who work hard are rewarded with more work!

— Anonymous

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

— Denis Leary