Funny Quotes · Page 296

No man is worth more than another, wherever he is from.

— Madeline Miller

There's always one more way to do something-- your way.

— Waylon Jennings

Faith is taking God seriously.

— Derek Prince

Oh, I think I'm pretty funny.

— Kevin Faulconer

We have to think before we act.

— Rand Paul

Any one in love will have no religion.

— Rumi

I have been searching for time past all my life.

— Jeanloup Sieff

You are greater than you know.

— Mother Teresa

“You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell.”

— Jeni Decker

You are rich... when you never need more than what you have.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nostalgia is a dirty liar that insists things were better than they seemed

— Green Monk

It is so funny because I was always embarrassed because I never had formal training in acting.

— Haley Bennett

Hes taking this company to hell, and were riding shotgun.

— Anonymous

You must be single minded. Drive for the one thing on which you have decided.

— George S. Patton

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

— Jim Gaffigan

I just heard a strange noise coming from downstairs. I refuse to say Who's there? Those people always die.

— Green Monk

“Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked. "In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as…

— Cassandra Clare

Johnny Knoxville has such an incredible humanity to him when you meet him. He's so warm and so funny, and he can…

— Max Winkler

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I…

— Phyllis Diller

If you have a choice between ugly or fat; You can turn lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the…

— Anonymous

I grew up a huge fan of The Three Stooges and Monty Python, so somebody getting slapped in the face with a…

— Thomas Sadoski

“What's happening here?" This last bit was hissed to Ronan and Noah. "Noah took a personal day." "I lost..." Noah struggled for…

— Maggie Stiefvater

Women say porn sites portray an unrealistic image of their beauty therefore making them feel inadequate. And then they buy 12 inch dildos.

— Green Monk

The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because…

— Doug Benson

I haven’t had everything from life. I’ve had too much.

— Rita Hayworth

We don't have any funny, strange Christmas traditions.

— Charlotte Crosby

Either you're a hater or a lover.

— India.Arie

Hey Arnold is probably the father of Stewie.

— Anonymous

It's what runners do. We keep on keeping on

— Amby Burfoot

“Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with u...”

— Stephan

My friend called me a negative person, I said No

— Migle Kacenaite

I don't accept flowers. I take nothing perishable.

— Paulette Goddard

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

— Rodney Dangerfield

You are going to visit the land of marvels.

— Jules Verne

I have had my fill of words and tearful farewells,

— Gannicus

Opportunity comes to pass-not to pause.

— James Wallace

I miss you like a nose misses a fart.

— Anonymous

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

— Steve Martin

What you become directly influences what you get.

— Jim Rohn

This Cruel Age has deflected me...

— Anna Akhmatova