Funny Quotes · Page 243

Everything is connected to everything else,

— Barry Commoner

Saw - this - on - the - way - of - HOME - :D

— Melchor Lim

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

— Steven Wright

Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman.

— Leona Helmsley

Courage can be just as infectious as fear.

— Alice Miller

Guantanamo has become the gulag of our time.

— Irene Khan

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Im not arguing, Im just explaining why Im right.

— Babloo

Peace is not achieved by controlling nations, but mastering our thoughts.

— John Harricharan

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.

— Mitch Hedberg

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.

— Peter De Vries

Sorry Boss's Day is awkward since you are, were, or should be screwing your boss.

— Anonymous

I'm still waiting for the, 'Once you go black, you never go back.' episode on Mythbusters.

— Anonymous

I am as content to die for God's eternal truth on the scaffold as in any other way.

— John Mason Brown

You know, when a man is raped you never hear about what he was wearing.

— George Takei

True love never has a happy ending, because there is no ending to true love.

— Alexander the Great

Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can draw and people can identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think…

— Mitch Hedberg

I have been hit by the Americans and tortured. I have been beaten on every place of my body, and the signs…

— Saddam Hussein

Everyone knows cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans are just too big-headed to admit their inferiority.

— Anonymous

If A equals to success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is Attitude. Y is Hard…

— Ritu

Those which we call necessary institutions are simply no more than institutions to which we have become accustomed.

— Alexis de Tocqueville

What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level…

— Dave Barry

Did u hear McDonald killed Burger King in front of Popeye's over that bitch Wendy? The funeral is at K.F.C. You going?…

— Ritu Ghatourey

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges,…

— Anonymous

Kim's [Kardashian] just a funny person in general.

— Kanye West

A policeman's lot is not a happy one

— W. S. Gilbert

He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.

— Torrin Polk

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

— Ritu Ghatourey

If you can't fix it, destroy it Its funner that way

— Mike Campbell

The best way to keep your word is not to give it.

— Green Monk

Make the best of an emergency.

— John Singer Sargent

As love knoweth no lawes, so it regardeth no conditions

— John Lyly

Religion is a byproduct of fear,

— Arthur C. Clarke

My favorite coffee flavor is HOT.

— Green Monk

Some things were never meant to be recycled.

— John Kenneth Galbraith

I know something better than love...oxygen.

— Meeeeeee

It is what we fear that happens to us.

— Oscar Wilde

I em nott a badd speler I juste rite coolr than youe (;

— Green Monk

I'm not in therapy, but my therapist is.

— Green Monk

If you think is was an accident, applaud.

— Geraldo Rivera