Funny Quotes · Page 240

If you can't do, you'd best shut up about it.

— Esther Forbes

To me the highest thing, after God, is my honor.

— Ludwig van Beethoven

The better it gets, the fewer of us know it.

— Ray Brown

I'd much prefer to write more quickly.

— John McGahern

I'm not letting any 17 year old beat me tonight

— Blaine Wilson

What happens in Cabo stays in Cabo

— Kristin Cavallari

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

— Bill Hicks

We are all prisoners of our time and place.

— David Henry Hwang

Anything is possible if you get off your 'BUT' and STAND!

— Sean Stephenson

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

— David Brenner

Never globalize a problem if it can possibly be dealt with locally.

— Garrett Hardin

Television: The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it.

— C. P. Scott

Woman was created last so she wouldnt have to wait for someone to talk to.

— Vikrant Parsai

Laughter is the best medicine. But if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine.

— Anonymous

Me, I'm just a hack. I'm just a schlep-per. I just do what I can do.

— Bette Midler

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

— Ellen DeGeneres

“Behold the Power of the peanut. His body mass may be small, but his influence is mighty. The last holdout in the…

— Thea Harrison

Lent is funny. I mean it's not hilarious but it's unusual given that people's participation in mass is significantly reduced, yet the…

— Angela Scanlon

I just think of myself as a comedian, really. I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I…

— Sarah Silverman

Let's give thanks there isn't a parade where straight guys feel comfortable enough to take off their shirts and dance.

— Anonymous

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get…

— Howard Stern

People are always the start for meanimals. When I can get into their heads, gods, supernatural beings,immortals, the deadthese are all people…

— Tanith Lee

I'm very British at heart. When I come to England, I say I'm coming home, and then it's funny: when I leave…

— Lily Collins

There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that…

— J. Michael Straczynski

Love brings to life whatever is dead around us.

— Franz Rosenzweig

How am I still breathing if u have my nose??

— Catherine Lucas

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

— William Shakespeare

What's [the Beatles'] I Am the Walrus all about?

— Frank Sinatra

“Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.”

— George R.R. Martin

No being can make another one happy.

— W. H. Auden

Do I Stank or was it already Stanky in Here?

— Frank B. Wilderson III

When hope is hungry, everything feeds it

— Mignon McLaughlin

What did not demolish me simply polished me.

— India.Arie

The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

— Nikhil Saluja

I cross out words so you will see them more

— Jean-Michel Basquiat

You're the Sue Sylvester of NXT.

— Josh Mathews

You can easily create the life you deserve.

— Mark Victor Hansen

It's all experience; not anything original

— Francisco Moreno

The last thing we learn about ourselves is our effect.

— William Boyd

If you see fraud and do not say fraud, you are a fraud.

— Nassim Nicholas Taleb