Funny Quotes · Page 235

Im not reckless. I was never reckless.

— Richard Hammond

To live long it is necessary to live slowly.

— Marcus Tullius Cicero

What have I to forgive and whom?

— Sri Aurobindo

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.

— Jay Leno

Thank you for replying to part of my e-mail.

— Anonymous

Be more interested than interesting.

— Mark Goulston

I am Batman. That's who I am, who are you?

— Lewis Black

Shoot what you can't help but shoot

— Gregory Heisler

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

— Earl Wilson

You can't always control who walks into your life, but you do decide which window to throw them out of.

— Nishan Panwar

I have alternately been called an Aristocrat and a Democrat. I am neither. I am a Christocrat.

— Benjamin Rush

Admit it, we've all tried to accomplish as much as possible before the microwave stops.

— Anonymous

This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes...

— Nikhil Saluja

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

— Mark Twain

Ronald Regan doesn't dye his hair - he's just prematurely orange.

— Gerald R. Ford

If you have something stupid to say, please raise your hand and put it firmly over your mouth!

— Anonymous

“Prove to me that you are not a figment of my imagination. Am I a computer simulation? Does the door swing both…

— Jessica Park

“There was an audible gasp, like everyone had been sucker-punched, and the sound reverberated through the hall like he’d just announced that…

— Andrea Speed

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

— Carol Burnett

If you're cute, you can call me baby If you're nice, you can call me sweetie But if you're hot, you can…

— Ritu

You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age; They were not such a plague when…

— William Butler Yeats

It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that.…

— Kellan Lutz

I always dreamed of being an entertainer. So, my whole life to some extent, or from the age that I can remember…

— Lil Dicky

“You’re a talking cat?” Endora asked with a look of disbelief on her face. “My, my, my, aren’t you the bright bulb…

— Sophie Palmer

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

— Marc Maron

Failure is no more fatal than success is permanent.

— Harvey Mackay

I didn't change. I choose to grow up.

— Satyajit Chhotaray

Spend your 'different points' wisely.

— Havoc Pennington

I outwit them, and then I outhit them

— Muhammad Ali

You're going to reap just what you sow

— Lou Reed

What is right is not always the same as what is legal

— Edward Snowden

My internet addiction is getting alt of ctrl!!1!!

— Ritu Ghatourey

I'm a stereo & she's just so monotone

— Nicki Minaj

My pictures are complex and so am I.

— W. Eugene Smith

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

— Ronald Reagan

How many things I can do without!

— Socrates

Food is the most important meal of the day.

— Nikhil Saluja

Abandon everything you have outgrown.

— Wallace D. Wattles

You have to have a talent for having talent.

— Ruth Gordon

Knowledge can be communicated, but wisdom cannot.

— Hermann Hesse