Dalmatians are not only superior to other dogs, they are like all dogs, infinitely less stupid than men. — Eugene O'Neill Copy Share Image
Sometimes I like to be a bit Romantic, that's why I light up a couple of scented candles when I masturbate. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If she want dem heels...she better...STD aka Suck This Dick...lol...I call dat head ova heels — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while.… — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
“I wil not calm down. My baby girl is moving halfway across the country.” “She’s been moved away before,” Dad pointed out.… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
“Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
Sexual intercourse is a grossly overrated pastime; the position is undignified, the pleasure momentary and the consequences damnable. — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the… — Jeff Stilson Copy Share Image
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“I wondered if full-blooded vampires had something like blue balls for their fangs if they didn’t get to feed when they were… — Sierra Dean Copy Share Image
“I doubt she'll welcome you if I tell her you undressed me." "Maybe she'll only partially welcome me." Smart-ass.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
