Mom: Come here! Me: No. Mom: 1... Me: Haha counting won't work. Mom: 2... Me: Holy duck, I AM COMING! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
(You watching video by yourself) You: HAHAHAHAAAAA! (You showing friend video) You: Hang on, it gets better. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny... musical theater is what paid my rent and kept me going for the longest time. — Bryan Batt Copy Share Image
The main problem with teenagers is that they're just like their parents were at their age. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience. — Harold Lloyd Copy Share Image
Saying you'll wake up early to get something done, then when you wake up, convincing yourself it's not important.. — Abhishek Ghosh Copy Share Image
I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I think universities are trying to figure out how we could use what we know about learning to change our education system,… — Alison Gopnik Copy Share Image
The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
