I love sprinting, but I hate long-distance running. Isn't that funny? — Dylan O'Brien Copy Share Image
From now onwards, whenever you fail -- just congratulate yourself. — Vishwas Mudagal Copy Share Image
Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick Blaine: If I gave you any thought I probably would. — Humphrey Bogart Copy Share Image
History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Seeing the funny side of life is useful, and I've always had a sense of humour. — Henry Allingham Copy Share Image
A soldier, ninja, and an indian were flying around in a C-130. They all decided to jump out and throw something into… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The great thing about writing jokes for President Obama is that he is not afraid to tell jokes that are actually funny… — Jon Lovett Copy Share Image
Go ahead sub tweet about this You sit behind a computer Ill fucking dismiss You think your an author But your just… — Princesss Copy Share Image
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got… — Geri Jewell Copy Share Image
That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
What's the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV. It's not like you had me fooled. What's behind it...an umbrella?… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Abel was brushing the snow off his parka while Micha was dancing around him, still balancing the plate of cookies, singing, 'We're… — Antonia Michaelis Copy Share Image
